I started this blog last week. I wrote most of it and deleted it. I pretty much knew that God wanted me to write about this specific topic but I was being very stubborn. So I said to God if you really want me to write about this then I need some type of sign. I need some sort of confirmation. Well, it didn't happen in the time period I wanted it so I just said forget about it and moved on, but God was like "Oh, you aren't about to escape this one Brittany." So I show up at life group on Sunday morning and my brother, Anthony (author of the books#Betterand RelationTIPS. Go get your copies.) is teaching and as soon as I sat down, he said, "Is it okay for you to reminisce on not-so-good situations? What's the difference in simply remembering and dwelling?" I don't think you all understand me when I say it was like God spoke directly through him to me at that moment. I was pretty much in awe for a few seconds. Like hold up, did that really just happen? It was the confirmation I needed without a doubt. So let me quit rambling and get to my task. Last year around this same time George and I got hit with the news that if he did not pass his EMT certification exam he would go on administrative leave without pay until he could pass it. This hit us like a ton of bricks. (We had not moved in together. We had just combined incomes and started paying bills together.) What made it so bad was that he only had one more chance to take it before he would completely lose his job by a certain date. Oh yeah, and we were about to get married. (I speak of this time a little more in a previous blog as well... Check out Never The Same) I prayed and prayed and prayed asking God, Why now? What exactly are you trying to prove, God? We are trying to do right. We aren't having sex. We are tithing and trying to grow closer to you. Why? My spirit was so frantic. I remember one day I was out and about doing something for the wedding, and I was talking to George about the house and money situations and how we were going to be short on a bill or two. I was extremely discouraged. In the midst of that I remember God saying to me, "Let it go. I will take care of you all." At the time I had no idea what he meant, so I kind of brushed it off to be honest. By the time I got back to my parents’ house, God had already proven to me he was in control. My dad handed me a check that one of our family members gave George and me for an early wedding gift, and it was just enough to pay the bills and have a little extra. I was in awe. God had already worked it out before I could really fret about it. Not only did that happen but the month of January happened to be a month that I got three paychecks from my job and we received multiple monetary gifts from our wedding showers and the wedding. God had everything under control from the beginning. I was so grateful. I was able to understand why he allowed all that to happen when he did. He took care of us, like he said he would. Not even a year has passed, y’all, and it took a random person to remind me of how different our life and our situation was last year. When I heard him say it, I was floored. Not because of the fact that the person had the audacity to say it but because of how quickly I forgot about it. I had to stop for a second and regroup. How could I let something of so much importance slip my mind? A whole year? Are you kidding me! Not one time did I think about it when I kept opening my Wells Fargo app to see if more money would magically appear to pay those never-ending bills. Not one time did I remember when I sat in church and reluctantly put my tithes in the basket. Not one time did I remember when George reminded me that God would take care of us. Not one time! I was embarrassed to say the least. I felt like I had just pushed God's goodness in that situation to the side. How could I do that? Is it that easy? How dare I? When I finally sat and reminisced about the situation, I was reminded of how faithful God was to us in that time. But more importantly I was reminded of how important it is for us to sometimes look back on our challenging situations to help us remember how God brings us through—how he never stops looking out for us. Thinking about past hardships doesn't always have to put us back in a negative place. We can use those thoughts to calm our spirits. As our minds wander to those times, they can put us in check and sometimes convict us all over again so we don't have to go back down that road again. Life group showed me that I needed that reminder. I needed to go back for that period of time and say "Thank you, God." It is okay to be reminded and to go down memory lane momentarily, but there is no need to take up residence there. I don't have to dwell on a situation for God to understand I am thankful for it and what he did through it. I don't think I will ever forget how God saw us through during that time in our lives. In fact, I am positive God will always have a way to remind me of that specific situation and how he fulfilled his promise to take care of us. Brittany
1 Comment
Ever prayed and asked God for a sign or a revelation? I'm sure you have. We all have. And we aren't alone. Even Gideon back in the Old Testament who could speak one on one with the Lord asked for signs from Him. Then Gideon said to him, "If you would, please give me some proof that you really are the Lord" (Judges 6:17). See, it is just human nature for us to desire proof that something will happen or to ask for help with chosing what needs to happen. We don't know the answers to everything, obviously, and even though most times we turn to other humans to help us, our best bet is to always ask God. Me personally I know when it comes to asking God about situations there are some serious times I come to him and some not-so-serious times. Let me explain. Not-so-serious time: "I really need a sign from God to let me know whether or not I should make this road trip with my girls this weekend. I mean, I know I have a few bills coming up, but I'm sure I could still manage to pay them if I don't go shopping on the trip (lie)!" This is one of those "I already know what I should do, but I just need to say it out loud or go over it in my head a few times to realize I already know what to do." Serious time: "God, I just don't know about accepting this job. I know I have been praying for a new job, but I am still uneasy about all that comes with it. Please give me some type of sign to help me be more clear about making this decision." I feel like this is the type of sign is where we really need God to step in and control our actions. Now when I say not so serious and serious, I don't mean that one is important and the other one isn't. But, everytime we desire a sign doesn't mean we actually need one. Sometimes we just need reinforcement. I mean come on now. Any working adult woman who pays bills and likes to shop knows the temptation that comes with a girls' trip and the lie that comes with telling yourself you won't shop. Like seriously, there is no need to lie to yourself like that. Not to downplay this situation because this might truly be important to someone in need of a quick getaway and this might be the only opprotunity they get to for awhile. We all know how that can be. But that's when I feel like God blesses you with the "sign" of priorities and rational thinking. Now, the serious times are those we all see how important or necessary it is to leave certain situations strictly in God's hands. We have to step back and allow God to reveal himself in whatever way He deems necessary. These are times that require us to truly stop, look and listen. A lot of preparation comes into play when asking God for a sign and most importantly having faith that He will reveal one. Don't get me wrong, we don't need to do anything for God to work. But it requires us to prepare our hearts to receive the answer that He's going to give us the way He is going to give it because all revelations aren't rainbows and fluffy unicorns. Once again, let me explain: Anyone who knows me and George for real knows our relationship has not always been the easiest. In the beginning we had a true peanut gallery in the midst of our relationship. And let's just say the majority of the time the comments made weren't "for us." So I dealt with a lot of doubts in the beginning. I mean, I was very wayward at first. See, I knew I loved George, but I knew I had been in love before and maybe everybody was right about us not needing to be together. So many nights and days I prayed asking God what to do. He revealed to me time after time after time that George was the one. The sacrifices George made. The time, money, effort and most of all the love he gave were my constant signs that he was suppose to be my hubs. While those signs were more positive I have definitely dealt with some not-so-positive signs. These have knocked me off my feet. They have completely humbled me. They have scared me. Shocked me. And let's just say I was not prepared. I never yearned for God to reveal things that would cause me to react this way, but who does? Many women ask God if they will be able to conceive but I don't know who would want to find out by having a miscarriage. No fiance' prays that God will reveal if their fiance' is truly ready for marriage by receiving the "we need to talk" call. I look at these not-so-positive signs as tough love. Sometimes God has to do these things so we rely strictly on Him. He has to make it to where we don't question Him. Anymore. At all. Period. Although these things may hurt, they are so necessary. So, next time you find yourself praying for a sign from God, take heed to the words from Scar from The Lion King, "Be prepared." (You have to sing it in his voice too. LOL.) Brittany We all need them... You know, that person that says " Ohhh no you do not need to wear that skirt anymore". Or the one that says, " Now why did you eat that last piece of pizza?" Or even the one that says "it's okay to cry we all screw things up every now and then." Ya'll know that one friend who can check you but they are still the one you run to for solid advice in so many situations. Most of us are pretty fortunate to have a friend or two like this. These friends tend to come a dime a dozen. In church Sunday, during my pastor's sermon, he began to talk about David... Specifically the David and Bathsheba situation ( catch the whole story in 2 Samuel 11 if you don't know what I am talking about). The short story is David saw Bathsheba bathing on the roof... She was married... He didn't care. He wanted her and did everything he could, LITERALLY EVERYTHING, to have her. Adultery, murder, deceit... You name it he did it. He messed up pretty bad... But this isn't what stuck out to me. If you flip over to 2 Samuel 12 you find Nathan. Nathan is the friend I wrote about at the beginning of the post. He is actually the epitome of that. He called David out in his wrong doing... Yes, HE CALLED KING DAVID OUT. He did not hesitate. He just did it. And it messed David up so much to the point where David's grief brings him to pin the beautiful Psalm 51. Ya'll we all need a Nathan. It's inevitable. We need that person who can come in and knock us down... straight wreck us when we have done wrong. Let me be clear. NOT A PERSON WHO WILL WAG THEIR FINGER IN YOUR FACE. We need that person who can set us straight and also help us begin to put the pieces back together. While I was thinking about who my Nathan is I began to think, am I a Nathan to my friends or do I just pat them on the back and let them wallow in their wrong doing? The fact of the matter is even if I am a Nathan now I have not always been. It's been PLENTY of times when I knew my friend was wrong and I still kept my lips zipped. In my younger years I was the type that would say I have fifteen best friends and I was loyal to them all and they were just as loyal to me. LIES! It's just no way that can happen. You are bound to be BFF's with someone your other BFF doesn't like and that's where the disloyalty begins. Thank God for growth and maturity and a decreased friend circle because fifteen best friends is exhausting (lol). I say it in a joking manor but in all seriousness I am grateful to not feel like I need to keep up with multiple people and their lives. I am grateful to have literally a handful of friends to not only be Nathan to me but I in return can be Nathan to them. My gradual growth in Christ has caused me to be able to be a little more bold in stating what's right. No, I was not just sitting around lying to my friends about whether their outfits were cute or not. I found myself sugarcoating the tough things in life like " girl he isn't that bad of a boyfriend or well they talked about us so it's only right that we talk about them." But in my sugarcoating I saw that life wasn't getting sweeter. I saw my friends suffering with broken relationships and messed up mindsets and it was partially my fault because I was not one hundred with them. Those times taught me plenty of lessons. One being... Tell them what you would want them to tell you BUT with a sincere and earnest heart. No matter how hard it hurts or how bummed you feel to have to do it. Sometimes being a " Nathan" comes easy. You know why? Because your friends know you have their best interest at heart so they come to you for advice from the beginning. Other times it's not so easy because you might find yourself getting that tug from the spirit telling you to initiate the conversation and shut the situation down. Never be mean but be honest. Always pray for guidance and understanding. Be the friend that you will one day need again. Be a Nathan. Be that Somebody. Brittany (peak into my WAR ROOM}
Forgive me for the delay in posting this blog. I have been wrestling back and forth in my mind as to what God really wanted me to post. Well, actually wrestling with what I wanted to post and knowing what God wanted me to post. I wanted to talk about various things. So I procrastinated thinking that God would give me the okay to post one of those topics. Nope. He made it very clear that I needed to write about what He wanted. As a child, my parents taught me and my brother how to say grace and say our prayers. I'm sure your parents or grandparents or someone you grew up around probably taught you the same thing. I remember memorizing those prayers and rushing through them as I sat down to eat or as I was getting in the bed. Since it became such a routine to say them at certain times of the day it was only natural that as I got older I would remember those prayers and continue to recite them at those specific times of the day. I would add a little extra flavor to them but not really anything drastic. I never saw a problem with that for a long time. It wasn't until recently that I realized my prayers need to GROW UP. Now don't get me wrong and don't think I am judging anyone who says "God is great, God is good..." because I am not. Any prayer, to God, in reverence, is better than no prayer. A few months ago I was listening to a sermon fromPastor Tony Evans. He was talking about prayer. In the sermon he said something that has weighed heavy on me ever since that day. He said "when you really want something from God... like when you really want him to show up and move big in your life you can't just say "grace" and think that that's enough for God to come through... you have to REALLY pray". I sat in awe thinking about what he said for a few hours... Really pray.... It was so powerful to me. In my opinion when he said "grace" I don't think he meant the actual grace that you might say before you eat a meal. I think he was speaking of a little quick prayer that you might mumble before you go into work. Or the prayer you say when you run that stop light and hope that no police saw you and that no one was coming. Or those prayers that you pray everyday and you don't even realize you are repeating the same exact things over and over. I am extremely guilty of these prayers. My "go-to" prayers. I never really saw that I was doing anything "wrong" until he made that statement. But it hit hard. How could I really be expecting God to work out something that was so big in my life or come through for me when I can't go talk to him for longer than thirty seconds? After hearing Pastor Evans say that it gave me two emotions instantly. Excitement and Discouragement. Excitement, because I was ready to go and pray so hard and intensely that God would hear me loud and clear. Discouragement, because I quickly realized that I didn't know how to pray like that... How to Pray Intensely. But I did not let my discouragement hold me back. I prayed to the best of my ability. I prayed when I had quiet time with Jesus. I prayed through journaling. I prayed in the shower. I prayed whenever I thought about praying. But even though I was praying a lot more I found myself repeating things... being very redundant. After that realization discouragement set in. I kind of gave up. I felt silly. I felt like God was looking at me like "Brittany, you prayed about that this morning". I mean I know that God is not like man so that wasn't the case BUT I couldn't help how I felt. Well just like God always seems to do... He worked it out. Did I doubt that he would? Slightly. Only because I felt like I needed to handle it... I mean... I just didn't feel right asking God to teach me how to pray... to Him. ( I know it sounds silly, but that's how my mind works) But I didn't even have to ask Him about it. He knew the desires of my heart. He knew I wanted to learn how to truly pray. He allowed the movie, War Room to come out right on time. He knew what I needed. He did that for me. :) War Room was what I needed to get my jump start on exactly how to approach God about what's going on with me. I already had the logistics of prayer down... I just needed help approaching God. I needed help not feeling like I was silly or my prayers were not "passionate" enough. The movie allowed me to see that I was complicating it. I was making it so much more than it really was. I learned to just come to God as I am. Reverencing Him.... but just as I am. I saw that the only thing I needed to do was do it... I just needed to pray. The only way I would get better at coming to him was by coming to him. ALL the time. Everyday. NO exceptions. Invite him to spend the say with me. Never leave him out of anything. I realized that the more I did it the easier it got to sit before His feet and acknowledge him and talk to him like I am speaking to you all. I can go to my " war room" ( a corner lol) and dwell in his presence with no hesitation. I encourage you to find time to sit before His feet and talk to him. When you are on social media for fifteen minutes... put the phone down and talk to Him. I promise the more you do it, the more comfortable you feel doing it. Just like sitting down at a piano for the first time and having no clue how to play "Chop Sticks" but as you practice everyday you get more and more comfortable with it. Take up that habit with communicating with our God. The more you do it the more your heart will yearn to do it. Try it! You'll like it! Brittany I love makeup. I mean literally LOVE IT! It is one thing that got me through my last semester of nursing school. I would take breaks from studying and watch videos on YouTube of women doing their makeup. It honestly kept me sane. From that time to now I have found a true love for makeup and the artistry associated with applying it flawlessly. It takes true skill and practice. Makeup for some women is a saving grace when they have blemishes or scars. Makeup can truly transform a person. Outside but sometimes inside as well by boosting confidence. Sometimes we use this same technique when it comes to our faith walk. We can pretty everything up when we are on social media. We can quote the best scriptures. Take pictures of our quiet time with Christ. Check in on Facebook at our various places of worship. We can make it seem as if our Christian walk is on point. We can appear FLAWLESS... On the outside our walk is BEAT. But what about our hearts? I was having a conversation with a friend today about the movie "War Room" (awesome movie, might I add). We specifically focused on one particular part where one of the characters discussed being lukewarm. Now if you don't know what lukewarm is. It's straddling the fence. It's being dead in the middle. It's quoting scripture but cursing in the next breath. Watching porn while asking God to forgive you. When you look at these different scenarios it's obvious that they just don't mesh. That's where the tug comes. What are you going to do? Are you going to be hot or cold? Are you fully into Christ or fully out of Him? Because there is not an in between. 2 Timothy 3:5... They will go on pretending to be devoted to God, but they will refuse to let that "devotion" change the way they live. Stay away from these people. This word is literally saying the people that "makeup" their christian walk on the outside but never let it penetrate their heart we should stay away from. God does not want us, people who are trying to further their walk, being influenced by those that don't know what they want to do. And more importantly He does not want a halfhearted individual "serving" Him but steadily loving the world. He does not care what's cool right now. His concern is our full, devout love for Him. Yes... I know it is a struggle. I know that it takes effort. I mean, I love Kanye, Drake, Kendrick Lamar... I would love to listen to their music daily. BUT one thing I have learned about me in this renewed spiritual walk... I can't. I know my limits. I know how it affects me. I know that my mindset changes. That might seem silly to some and for a long time I thought it was ridiculous. I had to put it in perspective though. I had to look at it through God's eyes. It's like he is fighting with those artist for attention. If I am letting those lyrics into my heart then it's pushing His words out. Nah... I'm good. Drake ain't gone be at the gates judging me. BUT that's just me! I say this to tell you that we all struggle. We all have our vices. I don't really struggle with wanting to club and party, but some people do. Some people struggle with drinking entirely too much, others with cursing a lot. Whatever it may be, these things hold us back from fully giving our hearts to God. You may say, Brittany come on now. I still go to church. I still know God is good to me. I pray over my food and I pray sometimes when times when I realized how blessed I am. And that's great. BUT there is no way you can truly witness ( our sole purpose as a Christian) if you are cursing in every other word and quoting scripture a few minutes later. Who will truly take you seriously? No one. It is really easy when we stand in the pews at church and talk about how God good is. But is that truly in your heart... Or are you just fronting? Are you angry in your heart? Are you hurting in your heart? Are you just covering up those feelings with foundation? Are you concealing the scars of forgiveness, lies, deceit, pornography? Are you praising God at church because your heart is truly full or are you doing it out of formality? And a better question are you praising God outside of church? Is He only getting you one day out the week? Is that all HE is worth? Sometimes these questions are hard to answer because we don't want to be straight up with ourselves. But let me tell you a little secret. No matter how much you lie to yourself... GOD ALWAYS KNOWS. So at some point we all have to choose. We all have to decide. The world or Christ. We can't keep making up our Christian walk to look so flawless on the outside when our hearts are so clouded on the inside. God does not want half of your heart so you can use the other half to harbor resentment or anger. He want's it all. He does not want you to have more faith in your bank account than Him. He wants all of you. He does not want to fight with the world for you. Being lukewarm makes Him more upset than you being totally against Him. (Rev. 3:16) He is not for prettied up Christian walks on social media. He wants to get all the grime and residue off your heart. He wants exfoliate your heart. (Psalm 51:10). He wants a clean heart and a renewed spirit in Him. Pursue Him. Not this world. Stop fronting. Stop concealing. Live for Him and Him alone. Brittany Our generation is a "go get it" generation. We are constantly chasing relationships, money, happiness. Constantly yearning for more. We do all we can to one up or to catch up, for that matter. We have such a fast pace mindset. Almost to the point where "waiting" for things to happen is foreign to us. Lately, I have been hearing more of what "I" want and when I want it and a lot less of "God's timing". One huge reason I know this to be the case is because God's timing requires patience. And patience for even the most patient person is hard. Being that we are in the time of "microwave", meaning everything happening fast, patience is something we just don't have a lot of. Now I didn't come on here to harp about how everything happens in God's timing. Although that is very important. My reason for writing this is to ask a question. A simple, yet very loaded question. I find it very funny how God talks to me sometimes. Because a lot of times I don't even realize He is speaking to me. I mean I hear things but I never say "oh God just spoke to me". It's not until I sit down to have quiet time with Him or when I sit down with Him to write these blogs that I realize "oh that phrase from three days ago was for this moment". It's amazing how things just mesh. I say all that because, I was listening to a very famous singer this morning... John P Kee. Very awesome man, with a very awesome ministry. The particular song I was listening to was called He'll Welcome Me. The song talks about Living for Christ and when He comes back He will welcome me home with Him. He went through the whole song and said a lot of different things on the verses, the hook and the bridge. But none of those parts stuck out to me like this one particular part did. What stuck out to me is an ad-lib he sang. I love when singers ad-lib in songs. To me, it's the flavor of the song. I feel like they say things that come straight from the heart because a lot of times it is random. This particular ad-lib was at the very end of the song and if I wouldn't have been paying attention I would have missed it. Now, I have heard this song so many times, but this time God brought my attention to him saying "Will You Be Ready?" Now in the sense that he said it He was speaking of, being ready for Christ's return. But the way God tuned my ears to it was different. So, that's my question for you. Will You Be Ready? I'm sure you are looking like for what, Brittany? Well you tell me. And in all honesty I'm asking myself, too. All the stuff we want and yearn for. The money. The relationship. All of it. Will we be ready? If we chase it long enough it might fall in our lap. Will we be ready to handle the responsibilities that follow the things we want so badly? Thinking about it is kind of mind boggling. Because WE don't know what we are ready for. We can just do our best to prepare and hope it's good enough. And that's not what God wants. He wants us to depend on Him for the preparing. When I was in nursing school I would study for a test for days and feel ready. When I would sit down to take it I would break into tears because I didn't know what I was looking at. Maybe it was because I didn't understand the questions or maybe like most times I had focused on the wrong material, either way it would end up ALL BAD! That's exactly how life is. We study everyone else's life (the wrong material) and say "oh man if I had what so and so has, or if I could be "blessed" with such and such, I would do this like that and that like this". So we run to get it and when it falls in our lap. WE FLUNK! Only to realize too late that with more patience and preparation from God we could have passed with flying colors. Sometimes we have to flunk so we will realize, "okay God I should have probably consulted with You on that". Sometimes our failure to consult with God can result in some big consequences and some not so big. And thankfully through our consequences we learn. BUT God would rather us learn by passing the test not failing them. Our test, test our patience. Almost to the point where sometimes like me you break into tears, but our reliance on Christ allows us to wipe our tears and keep it moving. As God put patience on my heart He took me to James 5 verse 10. "Brothers and sisters, follow the example of the prophets who spoke for the Lord. They suffered many bad things, but they were patient" In reading this I am reminded of Paul and the disciples. After Christ's resurrection they preached and their preaching led to plenty of suffering and persecution BUT they were patient in it all because their reward in the end was going to be so great. We should follow this. Let's allow Jesus to take lead. Let's allow Him to do things in His timing. No it won't be easy. But through doing this and following the path He sets out for us we have a VERY strong chance of being ready. We have a better chance of things flowing how God intends for them to. Remember your overall reward will be SO much greater. So the next time we begin following own course we should ask, "Will I be Ready". Trust Jesus' plan. Be patient. Brittany It's hard for me to grasp the fact that tomorrow George and I have been married for SIX MONTHS! Sometimes, it's still hard for me to understand the full concept of marriage. And ever since I let God FULLY come into my life and wreck my spirit, grasping being a submissive, loving wife has been EVEN harder when trying to fight off flesh. Don't get me wrong I love being married and I love the lessons that I have been taught, but I never would have imagined that I would have been put in my place how much I have in just this half a year of being married. Just being honest. I came up in a household where I was raised to be independent and I really didn't have to want for much of anything. From that, to entering in a marriage where I had to understand that this is just GEORGE, BRITTANY and God and remembering that GEORGE IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD!... well it has not been easy. (Don't let social media fool you) Reason being... well, I like to voice my opinion. But after awhile you get tired of being put in your place. See, George being the sweet, loving, kindhearted, understanding, accepting husband he is, hasn't been the one doing ALL the putting... It's been God. I mean George knows when to step in and sit me down and sometimes shut me up, BUT the crazy thing is my conviction from God tends to hit me before he can even open his mouth. And that's the hard part. It's different when a human tells you that you need to chill... or you are dead wrong BUT when God does it it's a feeling like no other. Now some people might look at this and say "dang she getting a little personal ain't she?" ... And maybe I am... BUT God gave me this blog to be transparent. I'm being real. I am telling you all that marriage, especially when you are trying to do it God's way is hard on the EASIEST day ( as my Pastor would say lol). Let me continue... I started to ask God for things to write about I immediately became excited thinking "Oh God give me the words to discuss 6 things I've learned from being married for six months.... blah, blah, blah,...Welp. That didn't happen. Which isn't surprising considering that's what I wanted to write. So, I asked God again to give me what I needed to talk about and He said " Brittany are you the wife I want you to be?" *blank stare* "Brittany read Proverbs 31. *goes to read it*. Okay, OKAY. I get it, God. He knows I want to be a better wife so He sent me to the cruelly intimidating scripture not to further intimidate me but to tell me, so I can tell you, all that this woman is can be us and in some ways might already be us. Ya'll this scripture wrecked me. I tried not to think about it actually. But when God wants you to talk about something He makes it extremely difficult to walk away from it. Just look at Jonah and that Whale. He allowed Proverbs 31 to pop up everywhere. Our daily scripture text message from church was Proverbs 31:15-16. Then my friend text me a sermon by Pastor Tony Evans, The Wife's Role in A Home, scripture basis Proverbs 31. It was all over me. Sometimes in reading the bible we can get caught up in the big words and phrases. It can become very intimidating to live like Christ when we don't understand. So I broke it down. And As I began to break it down I was taken aback because I never thought that I would be discussing this scripture and what it means to me. I thought, I have never been or could be this woman. It wasn't until I started to think about it and study what the writer was truly saying that I began to grasp a further, more relatable understanding. Proverbs 31:10-31 is the model of a Noble, godly woman. Yes, I want to be this woman. I am sure I'm not the only woman who was to be this woman, either. I look at myself and say I am no where near that. But God tells me, I am. No, I might not make the clothes that me and my husband wear as stated in verse 13 but I make sure I take care of them by washing them, folding or hanging them up. I get up and work everyday as he says in verse 17. Verse 24 speaks of her getting food from the ships and making trades... I go to the grocery store and stock the fridge. These comparisons put this scripture in perspective. Because, even though I am not making clothes and trading and planting crops I am still doing things that are of the same quality. And that's what matters. The reality is I don't have the ability and the know how to do all the things listed in this scripture but what I do have is the sense to find a way to make sure in some way, shape or form I can follow this model. To be a noble wife... Noble, meaning having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals. No where in that definition did it say SHE MUST BE perfect... or making no mistakes... or never arguing... or never crying... or forget... or miss an alarm... or burn up food. This definition spoke of qualities, morals and ideals. No where in Proverbs 31 verses 10-31 does it say this woman is perfect. No where does it say as soon as you get married you will magically become this AMAZING woman. This is literally instructions that each and every Godly woman should strive to follow daily. To not only better herself BUT also her husband and their household. I realized being intimidated by this scripture is an excuse. I shouldn't use this excuse as a reason to why I won't follow these instructions. I won't limit myself because I am scared I will mess up or that I won't wake up early everyday or have his lunch packed every morning for work. What I will do is strive to be this woman daily. In my thoughts and actions. My words to you are simple. I am not out to give you advice nor am I experienced enough to do anything of the sort. But, whether you are married, single or dating. STRIVE. Strive daily for these qualities. Strive to have the house cleaned when he gets home from work. Strive everyday to become closer to being a better single so you can eventually be a better wife. Strive to be that woman whose husband is known at your job because you speak so highly of him, not talk down about him. Strive. Don't kick yourself if you mess up. Just try again. Strive, so people will wonder what's so special about you. So they will ask "Who's that Lady?" Brittany Right now... at this very moment I am struggling. At this moment I am dealing with the fear of rejection. It is weird because I am not actually dealing with rejection itself. The fear of it is paralyzing. It is discouraging. It has me unsure.
See, this fear of rejection is different from rejection itself. Rejection itself is an act or sometimes even an expression of being dismissed. Fearing rejection has me to the point where I can't even take the step that might possibly bring about this dismissal. How ridiculous! Which means whatever I am suppose to be doing (i.e. writing this blog) isn't being done because I don't want people to even "possibly" dismiss it. Ever since I began this blog I have been excited to share my new found love for Christ and the change that has occurred in me through Him. But one HUGE obstacle I have faced is the fear of rejection. This is a common fear in my situation. ( situation- God placing me on a public forum to speak about Him) I know not everyone is going to hear or even accept what I am saying it. BUT then comes the issue. IS THIS FEAR REALLY GOING TO STOP ME DOING WHAT GOD HAS SET ME OUT TO DO? The biggest aspect of this fear lies with my friends. The people I want to talk to more intensely, because I these are the people I want to have traveling the streets of gold with me. The ones I want to look to the left and right and see their smiling faces when we walk through the gate. But the truth is this might not happen. Some people... friends won't hear me because they aren't ready and others simply because they don't want to. I might want everyone to be on fire with me right now but that's just not how Christianity and free will works. Every person has their separate walk and faith. No matter how much I nag and cry and blog I may never see some people get to the point of true servant hood. Although, this is scary and hurtful it is the honest truth. But the realization I have come to is that I will not suppress this Brittany because some people can't handle the change in me. I didn't suppress worldly Brittany when God was yelling in my head for me to come back to Him. So, even though this fear of losing friends is pressing, I refuse to let it halt my progress and the progress of this blog. When I first set out to begin this blog I didn't want to make it about numbers and how many comments I might get or who will share it on facebook. I just wanted to be a vessel. An open book. Truly transparent so that people can say "so I am not the only one struggling with that". I thought whether I get one view or one hundred views at least I am sowing that seed in someone, because that is all that really matters... Right?? Until I started seeing comments and stats rising and I started feeling myself. My flesh became extremely vulnerable to the popularity and recognition. I instantly felt a spirit of conviction. I knew these feelings weren't right for the simple fact that this blog is NOT FOR SELF GAIN! God quickly humbled me. I realized that I must stay focused on the task at hand. Well while trying to stay focused that fear of rejection politely tapped me on the shoulder. The devil stepped right in a tapped danced all over my weakness. By telling me "seriously Brittany who do you think will really read this blog and gain something from it?" Then came the "do you know how many people have blogs that speak of Jesus... what makes yours different... why would yours stand out?' I actually let these thoughts get to me. I mean to the point where I was just going to let go of the whole idea of continuing to write. But I was quickly reminded that in my weakness Christ is made strong. In the time when I let go of control He steps in and does great works. He spoke very clearly to me. He told me that not only will my blog reach people, people will be changed from it. And though I might not get ANY recognition it's okay because the glorification was never for me... It was for Him all along. So with that being said I will NOT sit down on this. I will not hold back or hesitate out of fear of rejection. I will stand firmly and speak boldly. I won't allow fear to tear down what God is building up. And I know times will get hard and situations will occur so I can't find time to write or maybe even formulate the words to say. I am sure people will get tired of me. Friendships might be dissolved. But my gain is far greater. I know that through this God will not forget about me. It's even said in His word. Philippians 1:6... And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. These are the words that sustain me. Brittany When will that be me? When will I get married? When will I have a baby? Why is everyone moving on but me? Why can't I travel the world? Why can't I shop when I want to? What does God truly have in store for me?
These are the questions of a social media frequenters. Questions of a millenial. Questions of probably every human on this earth at some point. We live a life of comparison, discontentment and WHYs. We question God about what He is going to do but never get an answer from Him because we look to everyone elses life for it. Is it intentional? Sometimes. Is it fair? NEVER. We have become a "gimme more" society. So much to the point where what we have is looked at as nothing. Think about it. I got a house, but it doesn't have enough rooms in it. I just got a new car, but it wasn't brand new. I'm working a job in my field, but why can't I have a more advanced position. I just had a baby, but my friend is pregnant with her second child, I need to catch up. Our lives have evolved into a CONSTANT rat race. More, more, more, more cheese. But why? Is having more truly what makes life sweeter or is it just a facade? Is living someone elses life better than living ours to the fullest. What do we need with all this "stuff"? What can we do with it other than hoard it, show it off and wait for it to go back out of style. If we actually sit down and discuss the answers to these questions I'm sure we will all give different reasons that seem very sensible to each of us individually. But one common answer would be "we think those things will make us happy". But one thing reigns true... Happiness is fleeting. One day we might truly be happy with our circumstances but as fast as direct deposit can hit with $1500 and bills can take that to $30 our happiness can be gone. There is nothing wrong with being happy. We all like to be around happy people and we all like to be happy but it is so TEMPORARY. Life is all about temporaries. We can't focus our life on trying to gain more temporaries. (Notice, I say "we" because this is a lesson that I am learning too. ) So, in my search for what I need to replace happiness with I started to read some self help books, different blogs and other stuff, but my true answer came as I was reading my bible (something that is fairly new to me). I found Philippians 4:12. This scripture was written by Paul who at the time was was in jail. He said "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want". This stuck out simply because he said CONTENT. From there I went to google where I looked up the word content and it means to be satisfied. That brought me to the thought of being a child and getting progress reports and if we got all satisfactories we looked at that as not the best or the worse, but right in the middle... Which helped us bounce back from that beating from that first nine weeks after we got those needs improvements. And although it wasn't the best it was still better. As adults we should adapt this concept. We can always do better but things can always be worse, so in the mean time being satisfied with where we are is important. We should pray to gain peace from this concept. The concept of being content. Having peace that is of Jesus. This peace does't come from things. When we have THIS peace we don't tend to worry about what the next person has or what I can do next to make myself look better. This Peace can make us feel a little better about that upgrade from a 1994 Camry to that 2000 Camry. Or about making 79 on your test when you made a 71 on the first one. This peace allows us to exhibit a spirit of gratefulness. It's peace that sometimes we don't understand. But we realize overtime that it makes us feel better. Better to the point of where joy begins to arise from the trenches of our heart. The joy that makes us realize that that "happiness" we wanted so badly is no longer worth chasing. The peace and joy of contentment/ satisfaction makes life more doable without feeling the need to impress or compete. It makes keeping up with the Jones' seem like a hassle and no longer something that we feel like we need to do. Through contentment we can truly see what God has instore for us, because our vision isn't so clouded with what WE have instore for ourselves or what God has instore for other people. We are now able to focus on our growth in this season and not so concerned with how quick we can get out of it. The more we work on being content in our current circumstances the more freedom we give God to move in His time and to do His will. We give Him time to reveal His plan and that allows us to see how our plan pales in comparison. Brittany I prayed and prayed. "God, What should I write?" I only want to write whats for You and Your glory. And God tells me... "Tell them how I have changed your life". "Wow! God that's vast, but I trust you". So in the shortest way possible here it is.
I had been struggling for months. Anxiety had overtaken my life. I was already an anxious person to begin with, but it was at an all time high because my husband had just began his job as a Fireman. My mind would go to everywhere, but to God. I was trying to control everything. I needed constant contact with everyone. It not only wore me out, but everyone else too. After one huge incident I remember my Daddy stopping me and saying "Brittany, where is your faith?" It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought..." what do you mean I do have faith... Don't I?" That was the moment I started to realize something had to change or I would drive myself or somebody else crazy. I truly needed God more now than ever before. During this time George and I got engaged and my life took a turn for the best, but not in the way I was thinking. George and I were riding in the car and I came across a radio station named K-love. A contemporary Christian station that I had no clue would change my midnset completely. I would listen in the mornings going to work. I noticed one morning I was not cursing everyone on the road out like usual. I had such peace it was crazy. The songs on the station would always speak of focusing on Jesus and not the things of this world. They constantly weighed in my spirit. During our engagement things changed between George and I. PREMARITAL SEX became nonexistent. Although our engagement was only five months it was still Tough to say the least BUT it was necessary. My heart wasn't caught up in those emotions. I was focused elsewhere and elsewhere was with Jesus. I yearned for Jesus daily. Something that was never the case before. It felt good. It was refreshing. I was not just developing into George's wife. I was becoming God's daughter. It was amazing. Let me be VERY CLEAR the test were coming in daily! God wasn't letting me get to this "new me" without some struggle. But even through the constant struggle His faithfulness never wavered but mine did. One big test of my faith was when George was trying to pass his EMT exam. See the thing with the fire department here is you have to be an EMT basic as well. You get 6 chances to pass or you get FIRED! FIRED absolutely not! Umm.. sir we need to pass this test. So I start NAGGING BIG TIME! Please study, please focus, nag, nag, nag... It was ridculous. We got to December. Right after we had just signed a lease on a place (that HE lived in without me, lol) and George had to go on UNPAID administrative leave. And there goes my anxiety. I prayed but I never left this at His feet. I tried to handle it. The bills were coming in and we only had my income. I stressed. One day in particular we were talking about something that needed to be paid and the money just wasn't there and low and behold I get home and my dad hands me an envelop. I look for a second and open it and in it was a card and a $125 check. I instatntly broke into tears and texted George. I started thinking We dont get married for another 20 somethng days why would someone send a gift so early and the only thing I could think was "oh ye' of little faith"... I knew then that worrying was doing nothing for our situation. Shortly after that George had to take his test for EMT... the SIXTH and final test. He drove about an hour away to sit for the test because that was the only place offering it before the date that he was suppose to get fired. We prayed. He went. He came back. We waited. We start making other work plans. Until... George got the email. It said CONGRATULATIONS! That's all we needed. GOD IS FAITHFUL! In five months I had become a new person. I became someone I had never met before. It was completely renewing. I was a wife but not just any wife a "godly wife"... well at least that's what I thought. "Yeah right", was what resounded in my head when we got back from our honemoon. Brittany, you really think that's it. You spend five months trying to perfect yourself for your husband and get to the point where YOU are happy and think that's it. You really think you are done with Me? He wasn't done. I was far from done. That's when one of my friend's get the big idea to go to the Pinky Promise Conference. Oh, yes! I mean I love Heather Lindsey she's awesome. Leading up to the conference I was growing, but I hit a dry spot. A spiritual desert. Nothing was popping. I was just blah. The only excitement I would get was when we talked about the conference. As the time grew nearer we counted down. We were so excited. The time arrived and excitement was overwhelming. My thoughts were that I would be renewed and things would change. Little did I know my life would NEVER be the same. And I know that sounds so cliche but seriously things were different. I never realized how unfaithful I was to Christ until I got to that conference. I had been cheating on Him. Using Him. I was disgusted with me. And to think I had it all together. Please! I was completely broken. I apologized to God repeatidly. I cried for Him to fill me up UNTIL NOTHING'S LEFT in me but Him. It was truly life changing. I surrendered all! I mean ALL. I could no longer live the life I had been living. I had to change. I had runaway from my Father and it was time to come back. It was time to truly CHANGE! I had to stop taking wash ups and truly wash myelf clean in His blood. So now my purpose is clear. In this short time period I have realized what I have to do. DIE TO SELF DAILY... LIVE THROUGH JESUS. Is it easy? Nope. Didn't think it would be. Is it what needed to happen? YESSSS! All I want to do now is let my BIG LIGHT SHINE! You know what's amazing is you don't need a certain start date or an amazing conference to truly fall in love or back in love with Jesus. Try it today and TRUST ME... YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. Brittany |
Archives
August 2020
CategoriesAuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. |