India Arie made a song called "The Truth" speaking of a man who is the total package. Many women haven't found their "truth"... I pray that one day they can experience what I have experienced with my "truth".
George and I met when I was 14 and he was 13. To say that we despised each other would be a true understatement. Our "Hate" for each other was so real that even to this day (we have been married for 2+ years) his nephew still trips out on the fact that we got married. It was that crazy. I love how God so perfectly ordains things though because at that age and up until we actually started dating when I was 20... I was not mentally ready for someone to love me so beautifully. I was still partying wayyyyyy too much. I wasn't ready to give up my freedom. And I know I would have squandered something that was so perfect had we started something earlier then we did. But at the tender ages of 19 and 20 God saw fit for his perfect love to ripen in us. Through the most unfortunate circumstances of a car accident he brought forth a love I could have never dreamed up if I tried. A perfect fairly tale. Something just clicked. That day will always be etched in my mind. The day our worlds truly collided. Was it hard from the beginning? Yes! People fought us being together...i fought us being together. I was away in nursing school. The phone was our best friend. Long distance tried to place a wedge between us but it didn't work. We survived but not only survive we thrived. Between nursing school and the Fire Academy. He say she say. My wavering. His stability. The minor 3 month break up. Through it all... George Davis has been the glue of our relationship. He has made me feel like something when my self esteem was on the floor. He has given me hope when all I felt was despair. He has been my strength when I was too weak to even think. George has made our relationship stable. There are a lot of things I would and could take credit for but keeping our relationship calm and thriving is truly a work of God and God working through George. He was not my type. AT ALL! He was the total opposite... but up until him my type had me thinking true love was impossible. He told me point blank that he would make me fall in love with him. Even though I tried to fight it I loved him from the beginning. It's only now that I realize that when God truly orchestrates something time has no boundaries. George stole my heart before I could even begin to think that I truly liked him. To this day he is still stealing my heart. His love is so simple but perfect. His voice is my peace on a rough day. Although I fuss and start unnecessary stuff he never lets that determine how he treats me. He is truly from God. He had truly made my life better. I pray that if you have not experienced your "truth" and that's something you desire that God gives you your heart's desires. On today I simply want to let God and the world know that I am forever grateful for my "truth"! I love you, George! Brittany
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I started Until Nothing's Left two years ago today. At first I was very consistent. I would put out a post or 2 every month, but as my faith wavered so did my consistency. As depression and anxiety overwhelmed my life I began to think that my words meant nothing and that I was better off just leaving it be. It's funny though, even in the midst of these negative thoughts I would always have thoughts about certain blogs. I would think about how I needed to write or how I needed talk about how God brought me through this situation and that situation. Some way or another I would talk myself back down and just forget about it. In all honesty I just felt like I was not making a difference so what's the point. Well God has a funny way of showing you "the point". He did it for me when I wasn't even asking him to. I was literally wrestling with the thoughts of completely shutting my blog down or just throwing anything out there to say I wrote something. For me to throw anything out there would have been out of character because every post before had been done with such diligence. Considering how much I have gone through in the last year and knowing I have so much to share it wouldn't have been fair to the people who took time to read because it wouldn't have been from the heart. So then I was like "God seriously you know how I'm feeling right now... you know I am just blah. Why do you keep putting it on my heart to write? Everybody blogs nowadays what difference is my blog really going to make?" The first thing God showed me was a Instagram post that pretty much said "everybody is blogging and vlogging and writing books and doing this and that BUT nobody is YOU and nobody has your vision". I was instantly convicted and encouraged. Then to add to that one of my friends wrote under one of my Facebook post asking about when I was putting out a new blog post. That's when God whispered in my ear and said "Brittany even if it's just ONE person who is encouraged by your writing you have fulfilled my purpose." See it's really hard nowadays to be content with just a few people commenting on your status or sharing your post (when you use social media as a platform to promote your purpose) when you scroll down your timeline and see others post things getting hundreds of comments and re shares. It can be very discouraging. But if that's where your mind immediately goes when you post something then your purpose for posting is jacked up. AND MY PURPOSE WAS JACKED UP! Popularity is not the goal. Fulfilling God's Purpose in you is the goal. Your ministries growth is not contingent on who shares your post it's contingent on your obedience. Growth doesn't come through stagnation. So Brittany why did you title your post "newness" because you haven't said anything regarding being new. But I have. You can't go from wanting to be popular to wanting to fulfill God's purpose with the same mindset. Something has to change. You have to be renewed. Your goals. Your heart. Your mind. I remember Musiq Soulchild made a song called "Newness" on his Juslisen album. He was talking about new love. Learning and loving somebody after you have loved before and have given your heart before. Like starting over. Well that's what I thought of when I started writing this blog. There is a "newness" in freeing yourself from the expectations of finding popularity and simply living our purpose. There is "newness" in coming out of a dark place back into God's light. Find the "newness" in learning how to allow yourself to be transparent again for the sake of others. We are not all meant to write blogs or books or be fitness gurus BUT if you know that God gave you a purpose to do those things or maybe something else and you see that He might have called some others to do the same things, don't let it change how you approach your task. Find hope in knowing that ONE person is depending on you and what you have to give. And if it's more than one that's even better. Somebody may read my blog and read 15 other blogs in that same day BUT I could say one thing that puts something in perspective for them that those other blogs didn't do. I can talk about one experience that allows them to relate and know that they aren't alone. In Musiq's song he says "Everything is cool when love is all brand new 'Cause you're learning me and I'm learning you. Its cool when love is all brand new 'Cause you're learning me and I'm learning you." Although he is talking about personal love look at it like this: You re- learn to embrace and love God's purpose for you so you can express that love to a certain person... that person... whoever it may be that's affected by what you have to offer. Treat the newness of your purpose delicately like you would new love. Show it attention. Be consistent and transparent. Allow yourself to mess up but not completely fall off the wagon. Even though you know how to love this is new love so give it time to develop. I know You are starting over but try to be a little more open. Allow God to be the reason you do this. Let Him be at the forefront. Let Him lead and guide you. Let Him sustain you. Let Him be the reason you set out to fulfill this purpose again. Let Him make you new! Purpose over Popularity. “Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.” Ephesians 4:23 NLT “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10 NLT “He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.” Psalms 23:3 NLT “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.” Psalms 51:12 NLT “and if you are pure and live with integrity, he will surely rise up and restore your happy home.” Job 8:6 NLT “When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalms 94:19 NLT Love y'all, Brittany *long, candid blog post*
I use to ask myself often... do you really believe? Do you trust God in the times of despair as you would in times of greater? I remember really understanding what Romans 8:28 says {"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”} And thinking I was strong enough in Christ to think it would remain relevant to me in every season. Well I thought I believed this verse... until I realized I hadn't had real troubles. That was until January 22, 2017. {A day I pray that God never lets me forget. I need it as a reminder--- that God was still blessing me when I had no faith in Him. He was loving me when I had so much anger in my heart. } A lot of people know on this date that I was admitted into the hospital with preeclampsia. Up until this very day I had not had any problems in my pregnancy. I was absolutely floored when they told me I would have to stay until the delivered me at 37 weeks... I was 33 weeks at that time--- that meant 4 weeks in the hospital. I would not be able to go home. I would not be able to work. I couldn't make my husband his lunch for work. I had to DEPEND on people. I would not be able to make my family baby shower... I just had to be in the hospital. I was use to being the one who takes care of people... now the shoe was on the other foot. My emotions were all over the place. I was scared, angry, confused--- a whole lot of negative emotions had overtaken me. I was like "for real God!" I wallowed in self pity and depression from that day on... even though people came and saw me and loved on me. My friends drove long distances to see me. I had TWO baby showers. My husband spent everyday in that hospital room with me. My parents showed me the true definition of parenting. I received BY FAR the best care! Great nurses and doctors! No matter all that amazing stuff I was still angry--- not outwardly (all the time) but definitely inwardly. This was not an attitude I was use to towards God. In 2015 I had pretty much fallen back in love with Jesus and was living for Him pretty hard core (hence the origins of this blog)--- well all that was halted. The only thing I can really say stopped this was letting the enemy just get his foot in the door of my heart. Well that was all he needed. He took over around August of 2016... I initially wrote it off to hormones but it wasn't just that. He manifested himself through fear and negativity. I remember during this time I was reminded of Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” I was not fighting physically. My mind and my heart was constantly under attack. Being in the hospital heightened these attacks and further decreased my faith. On February 15th, things got kicked up a notch. I ran into my doctor on my way to the cafe and she turned me around and said she needed to talk to me and George. My heart instantly sank. She sat us down and said it was some stuff she didn't like on my ultrasound, my baby wasn't being nourished by my placenta anymore and he needed to come out today. I cried and cried. For multiple reasons because I blamed myself and because my baby was in true danger. I only had one week left until 37 weeks... but there was no more waiting . The rest of that day went by like a whirl wind. Labor was induced, things were happening and I honestly don't remember one time I stopped and prayed. People prayed around me but not me personally. Before I was admitted into the hospital I had labor and delivery all planned in my head. A nicely packed bag, worship music to make a peaceful atmosphere, oh and let's not forget a NATURAL delivery. None of that happened. Although things were peaceful everything was still so rushed and they sped up when my babies heart rate dropped with each contraction. That didn't happen but a few times before the doctor wasn't having that anymore and told me I would be having a c- section. I was instantly relieved and petrified! I was prepped and taken back. George suited up ready to come watch his son be born. They put up the sterile curtain and started to test the effectiveness of my epidural only for us to realize it had not worked. I immediately had a panic attack. I was put to sleep and the next thing I remember is them calling my name to wake me up In recovery. As my faculties started to return all I remember is asking how my baby was and not getting a response. I asked again and the nurses simply said that he was fine. (Not mean just matter- of-fact) Now being a nurse I know that panic can cause a increase in blood pressure and heart rate and pain so i understand they were looking out me MY well being at that moment. I wasn't mad at them. Just concerned. And even when I wasn't thinking about praying or asking God to reassure me he sent me an angel through my friend, who is a nurse, to check on me and tell me that she had seen my baby! The only thing I could muster up to say was "is he normal" and she quickly reassured me that he was normal and that he was perfect, just tiny! Shortly after my husband came back to be with me and they took me to see our perfect 3lb 12oz baby boy. The first thing I said when I saw him was "he's not on oxygen". The nurse said "no he breathes perfectly". I was instantly reminded of the betamethasone (steroids) shots they gave me to help his lungs develop when I first went to the ER... once again God was looking out for us even in my state of anger. Until I was discharged I was back and forth between my room and his room. The hardest thing to do was be separated from him like that. Through my ignornance and anger God still protected my baby. He allowed him to have the mindset of a BIG BOY even though he was tiny. I watched him lose weight and gain it back, learn to take the bottle, move from an incubator to an open crib and eventually hear them tell me that he could go home! During that week of our hospital stay i barely prayed. I was faithless. I would say cliche things but at that time nothing was personal. I was numb. I remember hearing Hillsong Live sing "Desert Song" when I first got pregnant and although I enjoyed it then. I was not in a place of despair where I needed to hear it for encouragement. I listen to it now and it has a new meaning to me. God knew I would need that song now and he allowed me to hear it when I had no clue that anything like this would ever happen. As I sing the chorus "all of my life, in every season, you are still God and I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship." Those words keep reminding me. God is still amazing inspite of and he is working everything for my good. My baby is home now. I never knew the kind of love he pulls out of me. He is one month old. He is healthy. I am healthy. And even though we are blessed tremendously. I still cry, a lot! I think I'm inadequate. I don't see myself as worthy or as a good mom. I get sad. I still struggle with depression. This is real life. This is something I am working through. With the help of my husband, my parents, my family and close friends and most importantly God. They constantly remind me of positive attributes. This time has been hard, scary, rewarding, renewing, hopeful, discouraging... I could go on and on. Things do not just become perfect. I have not jumped into constant praise mode. I have not began praying all the time. I don't read my bible everyday. I don't listen to sermons all the time. This adjustment is taking some time. God is still healing my heart. He is working everything out for the good! I wrote this long blog because not enough women discuss the struggles of becoming a mom. Although it's amazing it is not always easy and happy. It can be a struggle. Take it from me it can just be down right hard. Don't let the enemy still your joy actually do something I didn't do... “Count it all joy, my brothers, (mommies or mommies to be) when you meet trials of various kinds. (James 1:2) Brittany ❤ (writing this blog has enriched my faith tremendously- just going back through all that happened and how God protected Me and Solomon I can't help but be so overwhelmed with pure joy and gratefulness) It's been awhile now... Almost 5 months to be exact. I have thought about a lot of things to write but, I have not put pen to paper. I don't know if it is because I have been overwhelmed or just plain lazy but, either way it's been too long. Last time I posted it was my blog anniversary and I talked about how you all would hear from me more and that I wouldn't slack on my posting. Well obviously that hasn't been true and I want to sincerely apologize for my absence. If you don't follow me on social media then I would like to announce to you all that my husband and I are expecting our first bundle of joy due to arrive in March. We are both very excited and very nervous. Before we found out we were pregnant I had just undergone surgery and I was nearing the end of my recovery when we saw that plus sign pop up as clear as ever. I was immediately overwhelmed with feelings of joy and anxiety. My mind went to 100 in a matter of seconds. After I went through the excitement of telling our parents, siblings and close friends I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed with anxiety and to my surprise I was instantly depressed. Initially I brushed it off to hormones and said it would get better... I mean seriously I had literally prayed for this child for so long and God had FINALLY answered my prayers and I was depressed. I thought "Brittany, You have got to get it together." So I told myself that I was fine and that I would blog and kind of document my pregnancy, but I didn't. Don't get me wrong I wanted to, but I couldn't. Like I said before part of it was laziness and some was just being exhausted, but it was a certain point in time when I wanted to write and I felt God telling me to wait. Then confusion set in. I mean I felt the urge to write but nothing would come. I knew that was God's way of telling me to hold up. So I waited and waited. I would think about what God wanted me to wait on every now and then and one day, very randomly, God reminded of a sermon I listened to as soon as I found out I was pregnant. In the sermon the minister said "Don't be so quick to tell your story". Now what he was talking about in the sermon was totally different from what was going on in my mind during this pregnancy but suddenly it all made sense to me. I knew why God kept telling me to wait. When this was revealed to me about a month ago I could have written this blog then but that's where laziness kicked in. I was lazy and just stubborn. So now I'm done being both and I am finally here to tell you all what God was telling me during the beginning of this season. I was depressed ya'll. I mean DEPRESSED. To the point where it concerned me and some of my family members and friends. I didn't want to do anything but sleep. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I had to force myself to do things. I was snappy and mean. And I know hormones make our bodies go crazy, but the extent to which I was went beyond hormones and it startled me. I would cry and ask God why was I going through this. I wanted this, to be pregnant, so bad and now I can't even enjoy it. I can't enjoy the fact that God answered my prayers, that he was SOOOO faithful to me, that he trusted me enough to carry a child. I didn't want to celebrate any of this. It hurt so bad. It made me so upset constantly. I was in a constant state of fear of losing my child and being depressed cause I was expecting a child. It was so sad. At first I prayed a lot, but then I stopped praying and I stopped reading my bible and I stopped relying on God. I was lost. I was scared and confused. This lasted my whole first trimester. THREE long months. The time where I really feel like you need to rely on God. Then September rolled around. It was prayer month at my church and each Saturday in the month we focused on different things to pray about and this Saturday in particular we focused on different aspects of the family. Well instead of just praying for mothers in general we prayed for expectant mothers, mother figures and biological mothers and it just so happened I was the only mother-to-be in the crowd. At the moment that I began to pray aloud things began to change. I was asked to pray for not only expectant mothers but my pregnancy in particular and at this VERY moment I became so vulnerable. I literally said all that I had been feeling. It was not a pretty prayer but it was necessary. It was all of my feelings put out on the table. I prayed about my depression and how upset I was that I was not overjoyed. I prayed about EVERYTHING. And when I got done I felt light. The feeling was absolutely amazing. It was then I saw how God had a VERY special way of healing me even in the midst of my reluctance to ask him for healing. I suddenly began to realize why God was telling me to wait. Why he stopped me from writing so many lofty post about "how beautiful pregnancy is" and "how happy I am"... Don't get me wrong pregnancy is beautiful and absolutely amazing and I am NOW overjoyed but at the moment I wanted to write this months ago I would have just been lying. And when we lie the devil gets the credit, never God. God wanted the GLORY. He deserves the glory. It's that simple. It's nothing that I could have said a few months ago that would have completely glorified God. I would have talked about me, me, me... blah, blah, blah. He had me wait because I needed to tell the FULL story. The story about how I was very depressed but how HE BROUGHT me out. The story about how HE answered my prayers, but it took me being completely down and out to realize He was the only one who could sustain this pregnancy and it wasn't anything I could do. NO amount of fear could take it away and no amount of happiness could keep it. It was and is still ALL about HIM. This entire pregnancy so far (and we are about half way through, crazy) I have been hearing, John 10:10-- The thief (being the devil) comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. At first it didn't click as to why I kept hearing this verse. BUT NOW it is very clear to me that the devil had my mind. All my depressive thoughts and lack of joy was the devil's way of steering me away from God. It was the enemy's way of making me think all of this was my doing and God had no hand in it. Only for me to realize that God's hand was the ONLY hand that was in it. He is the giver of life and the sustainer of it. It is that simple. Through this time I have GROWN a lot. Though I have STRUGGLED the outcome has been growth. I have learned to only rely on God. No app or google post could give me as much reassurance as God has. His urge for me to wait allowed me to see a complete healing of my mind. I am able to understand why he is SO miraculous and meticulous. He is nothing short of AMAZING. Brittany Oh, and by the way a scripture that has been keeping me sustained during this time is -- Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. This is my one year anniversary of Until Nothing's Left. I have thought about all the post that I have posted and all the experiences that I have experienced. I thought about how it felt, the pure excitement, when I initially knew God wanted me to create a blog with him being at the center. I thought about the months I contemplated taking it down. I remembered how many times I would go back and forth checking my stats only to be reminded that stats didn't matter because my motives were for Jesus and not for a stage or popularity. I have pondered on A LOT in this last year. I have wondered what touched you all and what didn't matter at all. The grand conclusion I came to in the end was that every single jot and tittle, all the misspelled words, the tears that fell while typing, the experiences, the comments, the lack of comments, EVERYTHING has been "FOR MY GOOD".
I recently experienced a bit of discouragement in regards to the "heart" I put in "Until Nothing's Left". An accusation of some sort. It completely threw me off. The thing that I prayed for the most- that my blog wouldn't be used against me- well it HAPPENED. I talk about my struggles and triumphs on here. I use this as an outlet which causes me to be vulnerable but my vulnerability stopped mattering because God was getting the glory and that was MOST important. And just as I got comfortable in revealing some very intimate parts of me to you all I was put back to a place where I wanted to keep everything shut up inside. All the words I had ever typed, I suddenly wanted to take back. To have your struggles thrown back up in your face is NEVER fun and I had to sit back and think about why someone would allow the words I had once typed to encourage myself and others as a means to hurt me. And through many tears and thoughts and HURT I know it was "FOR MY GOOD". You might say "How Brittany?" Seriously! Initially, I had the same thoughts. I asked God what all of it meant. Why it needed to happen like it happened. God showed me that had become extremely complacent. I didn't have my fire that I once possessed. And although I knew this, I chalked it up to NOTHING "important" happening in my life. But in all truth a lot of important things were happening just nothing I felt worthy enough to reveal to the public. I looked at things as regular. I looked at them as mundane. HOW DARE I? It's funny because just today I was reminded in church that ALL things are a blessing and how silly of me to not BLESS THE LORD for every single thing. Big or small. If this blog is for God's glory then it doesn't matter how big something is to me. I have been entrusted with the job to encourage you all through the big and the small. So the importance that it has to me really doesn't matter cause this ain't about me! How dare I look at this beautiful life I have been given as mundane. Nothing about the OVERFLOW of blessings I have is mundane. I began to recognize that, no, I don't have any BIG things going on at the moment but sometimes less is more. No, I am not saying that I possess any less but what I am saying is in the moments when things are quiet or boring the blessing is brewing. I am not saying walk through your quiet seasons always expecting BIG things on the other side. What I am saying is make the best of your quiet season because contentment during those times produce blessings you could never imagine. That might be easier said than done BUT trust me. Don't allow what you think is "lack" to discourage you, make the best of it. Live through it with contentment and thankfulness. I don't know what the devil was trying to do when he used that individual to discourage me, but what he meant for bad... God definitely meant "FOR MY GOOD". I didn't see it in the beginning. I wanted to be done. I was over it but I was quickly reminded of James 1:2-- Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of VARIOUS kinds-- I emphasize various because test and trials don't always come from death, heartache, breakups, unmet expectations. Sometimes they come in the form of a snide comment or lack of support. God has a FUNNY way of working because through this trial he has shown me how perfect he is even through imperfect people. Not to belittle anyone or anything like that, but he had to remind me to STOP depending on people to validate me and my efforts. Isaiah 2:22 says, Put no more trust in man, who has only the breath in his nostrils. What is he really worth?-- And although life is about relationships and loving and learning to trust, God simply revealed to me love those who love you and trust those who show themselves trustworthy. Everyone won't appreciate your efforts but some people will... and they matter the most. I have learned a lot in this last year. I am still learning but if nothing else I have learned that EVERYTHING has been "FOR MY GOOD". Today, on this one year anniversary, after 12+ post have been posted, after many emotions have been spilled. One year of showing you guys so much of me, exposing you all to my most vulnerable state. You all have been able to laugh and cry with me. In the words of Ashley Simpson you all were given the true pieces of me. I am grateful for this experience of birthing something that although is about me has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I want to encourage you today to remember that God doesn't make mistakes in anyway shape or form. Those words of hurt I received were FOR MY GOOD.... and the hand you are currently being dealt is FOR YOUR GOOD. God is getting the glory and your blessing is simply on the other side. I didn't see my blessing from the beginning but now I see how God makes beauty from ashes. Expect much to come from me in this next year. Thank you so much for your support thus far! Here are a few scriptures that get me through. I pray they help you too! John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 2Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power , love, and sound judgment. Psalm 16:8 I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxieties on Him because he cares for you. Isaiah 26:3 You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace, for it is trusting in you. Psalms 23:6 SURELY goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 2 Corinthians 4: 7-10- But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. *last 2 are my favs* Love, Brittany This is my second time writing this.... It got deleted as I was trying to publish it. So I'm going to try this again.
I have been extremely hesitant to write this blog post because I am acknowledging the fact that not only am I doing wrong but now I have to take the necessary steps to change my wrongdoings.(James 4:17) Also, because I never want to come off as judgmental, but I know that some people will look at conviction through this post as if I am pointing and wagging a finger at them. Let me just start by saying this.. As a Christian I know I possess a certain light that may glow at times and sometimes it may not even flicker. It may dim around some people and blind others. It may shine for Christ sometimes and shine for this world during other times. If you are a believer, you too, possess this light. Hopefully you don't struggle like I do with choosing to shine for Jesus or this world. My struggles come from a place of wanting to be relevant. Wanting to be cool. Wanting to live in a world where I can love and show Jesus when I want too, but still be able to do all the things that allow me to remain likeable. And likeability and Jesus don't even belong in a sentence together. 2Corinthians 6:3 says, We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault in our ministry. I cringe at the thought that my small mindedness or my yearning for popularity has caused someone to stumble. I hate the fact that in my needing to turn up or pop off someone has seen me and questioned my authenticity in Christ. Don't get me wrong I am well aware that you and I aren't the only view of Christianity. But I am even more aware of the fact that in the times of storms and difficult situations any small thing can turn a person's beliefs. Why allow yourself to be that small thing? I am not saying that you do the same stuff I do. I am sure you don't struggle with gossiping, cursing, judging or sometimes being one way on social media and another way in person. I am definitely guilty of these things. I slip.. often. I work hard at my ability to be remain relevant in the worlds eyes but never really as hard at making God smile. Would that be considered a hypocrite? Yep. So am I call myself one? Yep. Am I proud? Absolutely NOT. And I am not bragging AT ALL but I am acknowledging this because I want anyone else who may be stuck between this rock in a hard place to know that we have to change. If conviction is on you in anyway... WE have to change. If you know you might be the reason someone else has reverted back to not being completely in love with Jesus... WE have to change. And that's just the reality of the situation. I no longer want to flicker. I want to beam, BUT only for Jesus! I no longer want to be that person that has to sin to remain relevant or cool. I am done with trying to be in "the know". I dare not judge anyone and their actions or convictions or ANYTHING at all for that matter, but I want to be a true friend and just say if in anyway you feel any conviction at all... Check yourself. Maybe like me, God is trying to tell you something. I want to be that light that people need to see and no longer be puzzled negatively but wonder how they can get some of the light I have. And I want you to be that light too. Let's Shine bright! *Galatians 6:9- Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we don't grow weary.* this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...*logs off singing* Brittany I couldn't let another month go by of letting my feelings run me.
I was tired of crying. I was sick of fussing at God. I would tell Him "I wasn't going to read his word and I was done trying to live for Him." I wasn't happy BUT more than anything I could not find an ounce of joy anywhere in my life. I told myself I wouldn't put out another blog, I mean why should I? Who reads them anyway? Does anyone get blessed by them? I FELT as if my efforts had been futile. I FELT like I was being punished. I FELT like God had truly left me out to dry. AND THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. I FELT too much! My feelings were consuming every drop of my being. I was in a rut. I was over perusing Christ. I was DONE. This was my Life from January to the beginning of April. In a rut is pretty much an understatement. I was just plain old angry. Could you tell? Nope. I would go to church and feel convicted and cry and pray and apologize to God. Encourage my friends. Write encouraging messages on social media. I was cool on the outside but a wreck on the inside. I didn't want to think about "God's plan for me" or "the character he was building in me." None of that phased me. I had become so controlled by my feelings. I wasn't able to truly love God without thinking about how disgusted I was with him, then I would get upset at myself for being upset with God. It was a vicious cycle of submitting to my feelings over and over and a constant state of anger. This all changed on Saturday, April 9th around 10pm. As I stood in our room folding clothes and watching YouTube I heard God say "turn that off and talk to me". I hesitated and thought when was the last time I really talked to God. I mean, yeah, I pray every now and again but not like I should BUT to truly talk to him, it had been too long. So I turned off my iPad and I reluctantly asked God to clear my heart and open me up to things I needed to hear. God definitely let me have it. The first thing I heard was "Brittany, why don't you trust me?" In my haste and anger I responded (as I always do) with a "God I do trust you but I don't see what it's doing for me." After that quick exchange of words the flood gates were opened. I immediately felt a rush of feelings go through me and God didn't hold back. I got the best ear full I could ever get. He said "Brittany, look at you, you are a wreck all because you won't release control. You don't trust me. Your idea of trust is telling me what you want and expecting me to give it to you when you want it. You trust me when you can see things happening but not when there is a wait. You get angry with me when you don't see things coming to pass in your time. You don't even reflect on how I have already given you so much. Your desire to be a nurse was fulfilled even after you played around in the beginning of nursing school. Your desire to have a husband was fulfilled and you don't even appreciate him like you should. I have kept you during so many situations. I have protected you over the years. I gave you a love like no other and held you when you sat in your room at UNA crying because you were friendless and felt so used by men. After you cried and cried for days because you didn't get your first job at UAB I made it possible for a job you never applied for to hire you. And you still don't trust me! So, Brittany I will ask you again why don't you trust me? I hesitated to answer, I was completely overwhelmed and then I said it "BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN US A BABY." Saying those words aloud wrecked me. Saying those words did something to me that I never thought they would do. They released me. See, even though I know God is all knowing I still tiptoed around the subject in my prayers and in my thoughts. I talked about it to others but never fully went to God with it. It was like I truly poured my heart to him and accepted that He is in control just in voicing those words. ( I will try and write a blog explaining how God communicates with me because this might seem weird but he has always spoken to me through my thoughts, it's kind of like I just become very vulnerable and he just pours in... But if he doesn't speak to you like this nothing is wrong he can come in many different ways: Dreams, songs, other people, life experiences, his word, prayer and many other ways) After God gave me that earful he gave me Proverbs 3:5, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. I taped this scripture to my mirror and I try and live by it daily. Yes, I know it has only been 14 days but hey if you only knew how I use to break down daily, you would be proud of me too. I am no longer angry. I have stopped neglecting God. I am no longer leaning to my own understanding. I am trusting Him. If you are in a rut, angry, hurt, discouraged or whatever, trust him. God placed a few things on my heart to help you all come out of a rut or to steer clear of falling into one. +Make Him a daily priority (read your word, PRAY, worship Him, dwell in his presence) +Speak His promises over your life (read your word and look at the positive things God wants for you Psalm 37:4, Matthew 6:21, Psalm 20:4) +Talk to Him more than everyone else +Remember He brought you through before, He is the same God, He WILL do it again. +Stop relying on google and social media to answer your questions and turn to Him. +Pray for spiritual maturity to cope with God's will being done. +Find peace and contentment with your current portion. Hope this helped. I pray you can allow God to grant you peace in whatever is weighing on you. I am praying for spiritual renewing and refreshing for each one of you . I love you all. Brittany Weight loss is inevitably something most of us deal with at some point in our lives. It might just be 10 pounds, it might be 100, but most of us all have been there done that. The idea of crash diets and fads sounds good, but simply don't last. Trust me. I remember when I was in college, and nursing school blew me completely up. I had to find something to help me get the weight off. I tried working out, but I was still eating crazy, so I wasn't getting anywhere with that. I tried not eating... That lasted an hour. Then I gave up. Until I started seeing commercials about a program where you count points that go off the serving sizes of the food you eat. I was skeptical at first, but once I got the hang of it, the weight started coming off. One thing I loved about that weight-loss program was that I didn't have to stop eating the things I loved. I just had to actually look at the serving size, something I didn't even realize existed for such a long time--no like seriously. Doing this allowed me to be aware of my portions. It helped me practice portion control. I did this for a while, started feeling myself and started back eating regular, and we all know how that ended up.
During that time period I learned the benefits of watching my portion sizes and how it truly did not matter what I put in my mouth as long as it was in moderation. So I could get a plate of fried chicken, mac and cheese, dressing, yams and green beans ( I just got so hungry) and divide it up into three servings, and even though it might not be the cleanest or best choice for eating, I would still lose weight because I was eating just enough and not stuffing myself and overeating. It is a very interesting concept and honestly the only thing that truly works for me. Okay, you can stop looking at the blog like "Why in the world is she talking about weight loss, and who does she think she's giving advice to?" It might seem like I'm rambling and I'm definitely not giving any advice, but just hear me out. When I heard the words portion control, it wasn't until recently that I realized I could actually apply that phrase to my life overall, not just weight loss. We hear a lot about being content with our portion and loving where we are in life currently, but do we ever stop and think why "portion control" in regards to life is so necessary? My heart leaps at the thoughts of certain things that could happen for me and George in our marriage and lives individually. I get so excited, but discouragement and discontentment can quickly creep in and destroy my excitement. Questions of when, how long, why do we have to wait overwhelm my mind. I get to the point where I am like I know I am ready for blah, blah this or blah, blah that so what's taking God soooooooo long. Little do I know God knows all about portion control. He definitely knows not to put a 12-piece honey mustard wings, Cajun ranch fries and a huge Ki Ki Pooh juice in front of me because He knows I will go in. By saying that, I mean God knows that giving me a new house, a baby, a car upgrade, a bigger bank account and whatever I might desire all at the same time is simply just not feasible. Sure it all sounds amazing, but it's just too much at one time for me and my life. I couldn't be happy about getting one of those things without being consumed with the others. Paul says in Philippians 4:12, "I know how to have a little and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned that secret of being content--whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need." I love this scripture. I love the richness behind it. Paul was in jail and clearly in a bad place. And still talking about being content with his portion. My point is God knows exactly what He is doing exactly when He does it. He controls our portions throughout life so our contentment can be fulfilled through Him and not our current circumstances. Our human nature makes us want to have everything when we want it and cry when we can't have it that way. Now sometimes our life can experience an abundance of portions all at once--take it from the experience of one of my close friends. Getting married, getting pregnant, leaving a job, starting a new one, moving from an apartment into a house and having a baby all before she and her husband hit one year of marriage was extremely stressful and overwhelming. God clearly saw that she and her husband were very capable of handling all those "blessings" at one time. He knew exactly what He was doing, even when they were going through what we may look at as "not so easy times." This may seem unfair to someone who feels like they are lacking and can't move out of a situation they have been in for months, but consider this: If you haven't passed your current test or found contentment in your season of singleness or childlessness or not having the job you want, then why in the world would God give you something else to mull over? Even though it may seem like my friend and her family had it made, believe me, without trusting God every step of the way, they wouldn't have been able to fully swallow those huge portions all at once. No matter what your situation looks like right now--whether you are in true abundance or you may be lacking--let God plate your portions. Stop jumping the gun on life. Stop being in a rush to be where others are. Let God move how He deems necessary, and in the meantime your job is to truly be content, whether you have the 12-piece chicken meal or just the bones. A few scriptures on contentment... But godliness with contentment is a great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6 Each person should remain in the life situation in which he was called. 1 Corinthians 7:20 He then told them, "Watch out and be on guard against all greed because one's life is not in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15 Your life should be free from the love of money. Be satisfied with what you have, for He himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 Brittany I had to stop for a little while on this wonderful day, our anniversary, and talk to you all. It's been about a month since I put out a post, and some of the lack has been from dryness, but most of it has been from stubbornness. We all look at the beginning of the year as a fresh start, but I allowed my circumstances of having to work on the first Sunday on the year to frame my whole outlook for a few weeks. It was bad for awhile that I noticed how disconnected I was with God and I had to take action. Actions were taken and I felt renewed, but I was still very blah to say the least. It took me realizing through the help of some sermons and intense prayer that missing a Sunday shouldn't shape my view of the rest of the year or the month or that week even. Through God I have the control over my mindset and my emotions. With that being said. I'm back. LOL Today, I celebrate one year of marriage with the love of my life, George. You all, this has been a year to remember. A year of growth if I had to sum everything up in one word. When we first got married, the main thing people said was "choose your battles," and let's just say I really didn't heed that advice all the time. I can honestly say I nagged. It's sad, but it's true. It's not that I forgot what everyone told me, it's just that when you are actually in it, it's hard. But that doesn't make it right. There were plenty of times where I fussed about something and thought "Really, Brittany?" I lost a lot of internal battles. I failed plenty of tests. I tripped about socks too much. I nagged when he didn't post about me on Facebook and didn't realize he cleaned up the kitchen and vacuumed the floors. I nagged about how much money we spent on fast food but went and bought Chick-fil-A the next day. I tripped about the house getting dirty after I cleaned up... I mean how are we suppose to live without getting things dirty? I got mad about him playing games, but then bought him a Game Stop gift card... I nagged about him not holding me then gave him the side eye when he moved in to touch me. Okay, okay that's enough. I don't need you all to start judging me. The point behind me saying those things is to show you HOW MUCH THEY DON'T MATTER. I wasted so much time trying to correct things that I made issues out of nothing. Don't get me wrong: some things were worth talking about, but the things I nagged or tripped are not on that list of things worth discussing. I learned a lot of stuff my first year that I will strive to do better in my years to come, but one of the main thing is to "be easy." I am by no means a marriage expert, and I won't approach this as being one. I can only go by mistakes I have made. I can only tell you don't waste your time on things that don't matter. Don't make issues where there aren't any. Too many hours were tied up being mad. Too many nights I laid there upset. Too many conversations were had in raised voices. There are just too many "too manys" that are in the negative that never should have gotten to that point. Learn from me, engaged people, newly married, or single folks: IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Pick up the socks, eat the Chick-fil-A, let him play the game, re-vacuum the floor and "be easy." No I did not write the wrong title for this blog. I am well aware that I turned 27 today. I titled this blog "Year 26" because I have never experienced a year quite like it. It was different, for a lack of a better word.
It was a testimony in the making. It was a change of outlook. It was eye, mind and heart opening. It was something else. Shortly after I turned 26 I became a wife. So the whole month of January up until about January 30 is a complete blur. I spent the end of December and most of January finalizing everything for our ceremony, reception and honeymoon. I can barely remember the actual day I turned 26, and if I can just be honest with you I really didn't pay attention to the fact that I was 26 until the middle of last month when someone said something about my birthday coming up. Don't get me wrong. I am truly grateful for this year, but it has been FULL! Full of so many emotions and life changes and just learning who Brittany is. Aside from the few minor accomplishments that 26 has given me like perfecting my eyebrow routine and realizing that YouTube is all I need to relax after a long day, I was able to figure out a few things that will never allow me to forget this past year. Twenty-six gave me a new outlook on "Religion and Relationship." I did not just know God. I yearned for Him. I didn't just need Him, I wanted Him--daily. He has guided me through this year. He has loved me in spite of my doubts. This past year, God gave me a new meaning to living. He opened his arms to me, and I FINALLY opened my heart to knowing Him, and oh my, what a benefit that has had on my life. ( I dare you to try it.) He showed me that trusting in Him is the only way to see how beautiful life is. He reminded me that living a "good" life comes through living my own life and not trying to imitate someone else's. The molding I have experienced has pushed me closer to being the person He is intending me to be. I would love to say that I have just been so in love with God this whole year and not one time did I doubt his plan or question his reasoning, but we all know that would be a lie. I spent a lot of time this year wrestling with the fact that I AM NOT IN CONTROL! I would sing the words I surrender all, and my life is not my own, and not fully realize what I was saying until disappointment reigned over me because I thought I needed something and God knew better. Twenty-six brought me plenty of tears. Tears of sadness from the yearning to conceive a child that God wasn't ready for us to have. Tears of anger from constantly asking why and feeling like I never got an answer. Tears of confusion from just not grasping not my will but His. But also... Tears of PURE joy from seeing my friends marry, conceive and have children. Tears of thankfulness for new jobs and opportunities when we counted ourselves out. Tears of UNDERSTANDING that His will is far greater than mine. Twenty-six gave me a new last name, Davis. With a new last name came new responsibilities. I quickly learned that a wife is more than cooking, cleaning and fussing. It's love. It's understanding. It's death to self. It's unselfishness. It's being okay with being bothered even though you are tired. It's wanting an orderly house but choosing to chill with the hubs because these times are so precious and so much more important than vacuumed steps. My new last name came with a new perspective. Many friendships have gone by the wayside this year. Some were lost due to misunderstanding, others due to seasons changing. But one thing that I have never experienced in friendship lost that I did experience this year was peace. I no longer yearned for those people to be in my presence. I became okay with the fact that I no longer needed them taking up heart and mind space that could be used for something that God has better plans for. Although some friendships were washed away, others blossomed and flourished. They gave me a new outlook on grace. My circle grew smaller but became more fulfilling. Twenty-six showed me that just because you call them family doesn't mean they won't disappoint you. And although disappointments arose, true love conquered. This past year enhanced my life. It made me bold, persistent, consistent, unapologetic. I have learned to pray and praise and worship like never before. Although this year has been a whirlwind, I have leaned who Brittany is--the four-foot, eleven-inch woman who struggles with weight, insecurities, expectations and doubts but has a big heart and a true yearning for Christ. A developing wife. Family oriented and fun-loving. Twenty-six might be gone, but its memories shine brightly. Hello 27. Brittany |
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