To Begin...

Starting is the hardest part. Throughout life we have learned that beginning something is the only way that something can be accomplished. Although the end result is what we always look forward to, it's the beginning that matters the most. As adults we rarely remember the beginning. We just live in the end results. Think about it. We don't necessarily remember learning to tie our shoes, we just jump up and put on our tennis shoes when we are headed to work out or run an errand. Remember learning to drive? Sure we do. We remember when whoever was teaching us let us get behind the wheel that first time and then the screaming, yelling, and crying that followed. But, do we truly remember the beginning of gaining that confidence. Getting behind the wheel and actually knowing that you knew what you were doing. Well, if we sit down and actually think back we can remember, but we definitely don't think about those times in the moments we jump in the car and head to church or work. We just get in the car and drive. We live in the end result. These are just two examples of very important things in our lives that both had to start from somewhere. Forming that first bunny ear or clicking that seat belt in the driver seat that first time. Those moments mattered the most. Those are the moments that gave us that push to try again and again and again. And after many upsets we got it.
Well, with all that being said. This is the beginning. I want to bask in this moment. This is huge for me. For about a year I have wrestled with this moment. With simply starting. Though sometimes it is so simple sometimes it's simply not. I went back and forth in my mind about it. I consulted with different people about it. I said forget it. I created and deleted. It was constantly a back and forth game. I wondered why nothing ever truly came together for me. It was mind boggling. See because I knew I needed to do something. No, to be clear I actually knew I needed to write a blog. But why couldn't I just start. I mean is it really that hard? Little did I know I was missing ONE HUGE FACTOR. I was missing God. I never once consulted Him about it. After He initially told me to do it I thought that was it. What else did we need to discuss? I mean really. Do I need to discuss every aspect with Him? In a years time I found the answer to these questions be a BIG FAT YES! Now to sit up and tell you that the answer was revealed to me through all these miraculous events would be a bald-faced... TRUTH. Seriously. It took me being completely broken down. No, not in the physical sense but spiritually. I truly had to let go. My mindset had to be completely rebooted. I was so focused on what I wanted to write and what I wanted to do. I was being extremely selfish. I had to remove self from this and realize that this was not just for personal gain. After not even a week of continuous prayer and supplication my Yes came to me so clearly. The funny thing is right before I recieved my Yes I went to a conference. I won't go into much detail on that in this post but it helped to put a period where I had numerous question marks. During the conference I made it a point to go to God and say, "Tell me what it is you want me to do to serve people". And through many prayers and tears and still some questions God told me and I was completely freed from everything that was holding me back. Things like selfishness, people bondage, FEAR, judgement, opinions...  you know things we all suffer with. I felt as if I could float. It was surreal. After all these shackles were released God plainly told me to love people. I thought.." but God I already love people". Love people? He said love people by talking to them, listening to them and writing to them the things that I put on your heart. Tell them it's okay to love me. It's okay to trust me with EVERYTHING.  I thought, "do I trust You with everything?" And that's when it clicked. This is for my growth as well. No it is not for self-gain it is for my GROWTH. God is amazing. Not only did He speak to me He gave me confirmation through other sources. My husband had been telling me for a solid year that I should do it, that I should write a blog and I brushed off. He believed in me for a long time. But not only him. I had a few friends tell me the same thing. Although I heard them I had to hear God more. And He made me see that their words were through Him but they wouldn't make sense until I actually consulted and trusted Him. Through this first blog my hope for you is that you will simply start. Though it's frightening. Though it's hard. Though it may seem like nothing will come from it. Just start. Pray for guidance on how to do it and just start. With that being said I will take me own advice here it is... The Beginning.

Brittany