No I did not write the wrong title for this blog. I am well aware that I turned 27 today. I titled this blog "Year 26" because I have never experienced a year quite like it. It was different, for a lack of a better word.
It was a testimony in the making. It was a change of outlook. It was eye, mind and heart opening. It was something else.
Shortly after I turned 26 I became a wife. So the whole month of January up until about January 30 is a complete blur. I spent the end of December and most of January finalizing everything for our ceremony, reception and honeymoon. I can barely remember the actual day I turned 26, and if I can just be honest with you I really didn't pay attention to the fact that I was 26 until the middle of last month when someone said something about my birthday coming up.
Don't get me wrong. I am truly grateful for this year, but it has been FULL! Full of so many emotions and life changes and just learning who Brittany is.
Aside from the few minor accomplishments that 26 has given me like perfecting my eyebrow routine and realizing that YouTube is all I need to relax after a long day, I was able to figure out a few things that will never allow me to forget this past year.
Twenty-six gave me a new outlook on "Religion and Relationship." I did not just know God. I yearned for Him. I didn't just need Him, I wanted Him--daily. He has guided me through this year. He has loved me in spite of my doubts. This past year, God gave me a new meaning to living. He opened his arms to me, and I FINALLY opened my heart to knowing Him, and oh my, what a benefit that has had on my life. ( I dare you to try it.) He showed me that trusting in Him is the only way to see how beautiful life is. He reminded me that living a "good" life comes through living my own life and not trying to imitate someone else's. The molding I have experienced has pushed me closer to being the person He is intending me to be.
I would love to say that I have just been so in love with God this whole year and not one time did I doubt his plan or question his reasoning, but we all know that would be a lie. I spent a lot of time this year wrestling with the fact that I AM NOT IN CONTROL! I would sing the words I surrender all, and my life is not my own, and not fully realize what I was saying until disappointment reigned over me because I thought I needed something and God knew better.
Twenty-six brought me plenty of tears.
Tears of sadness from the yearning to conceive a child that God wasn't ready for us to have.
Tears of anger from constantly asking why and feeling like I never got an answer.
Tears of confusion from just not grasping not my will but His.
Tears of PURE joy from seeing my friends marry, conceive and have children.
Tears of thankfulness for new jobs and opportunities when we counted ourselves out.
Tears of UNDERSTANDING that His will is far greater than mine.
Twenty-six gave me a new last name, Davis. With a new last name came new responsibilities. I quickly learned that a wife is more than cooking, cleaning and fussing. It's love. It's understanding. It's death to self. It's unselfishness. It's being okay with being bothered even though you are tired. It's wanting an orderly house but choosing to chill with the hubs because these times are so precious and so much more important than vacuumed steps. My new last name came with a new perspective.
Many friendships have gone by the wayside this year. Some were lost due to misunderstanding, others due to seasons changing. But one thing that I have never experienced in friendship lost that I did experience this year was peace. I no longer yearned for those people to be in my presence. I became okay with the fact that I no longer needed them taking up heart and mind space that could be used for something that God has better plans for. Although some friendships were washed away, others blossomed and flourished. They gave me a new outlook on grace. My circle grew smaller but became more fulfilling.
Twenty-six showed me that just because you call them family doesn't mean they won't disappoint you. And although disappointments arose, true love conquered.
This past year enhanced my life. It made me bold, persistent, consistent, unapologetic. I have learned to pray and praise and worship like never before.
Although this year has been a whirlwind, I have leaned who Brittany is--the four-foot, eleven-inch woman who struggles with weight, insecurities, expectations and doubts but has a big heart and a true yearning for Christ. A developing wife. Family oriented and fun-loving.
Twenty-six might be gone, but its memories shine brightly.
Don't You Forget it!
I started this blog last week. I wrote most of it and deleted it. I pretty much knew that God wanted me to write about this specific topic but I was being very stubborn.
So I said to God if you really want me to write about this then I need some type of sign. I need some sort of confirmation.
Well, it didn't happen in the time period I wanted it so I just said forget about it and moved on, but God was like "Oh, you aren't about to escape this one Brittany."
So I show up at life group on Sunday morning and my brother, Anthony (author of the books#Betterand RelationTIPS. Go get your copies.) is teaching and as soon as I sat down, he said, "Is it okay for you to reminisce on not-so-good situations? What's the difference in simply remembering and dwelling?"
I don't think you all understand me when I say it was like God spoke directly through him to me at that moment. I was pretty much in awe for a few seconds. Like hold up, did that really just happen?
It was the confirmation I needed without a doubt. So let me quit rambling and get to my task.
Last year around this same time George and I got hit with the news that if he did not pass his EMT certification exam he would go on administrative leave without pay until he could pass it. This hit us like a ton of bricks. (We had not moved in together. We had just combined incomes and started paying bills together.) What made it so bad was that he only had one more chance to take it before he would completely lose his job by a certain date. Oh yeah, and we were about to get married. (I speak of this time a little more in a previous blog as well... Check out Never The Same)
I prayed and prayed and prayed asking God, Why now? What exactly are you trying to prove, God?
We are trying to do right. We aren't having sex. We are tithing and trying to grow closer to you. Why?
My spirit was so frantic.
I remember one day I was out and about doing something for the wedding, and I was talking to George about the house and money situations and how we were going to be short on a bill or two. I was extremely discouraged. In the midst of that I remember God saying to me, "Let it go. I will take care of you all." At the time I had no idea what he meant, so I kind of brushed it off to be honest. By the time I got back to my parents’ house, God had already proven to me he was in control. My dad handed me a check that one of our family members gave George and me for an early wedding gift, and it was just enough to pay the bills and have a little extra.
I was in awe. God had already worked it out before I could really fret about it.
Not only did that happen but the month of January happened to be a month that I got three paychecks from my job and we received multiple monetary gifts from our wedding showers and the wedding. God had everything under control from the beginning. I was so grateful.
I was able to understand why he allowed all that to happen when he did. He took care of us, like he said he would.
Not even a year has passed, y’all, and it took a random person to remind me of how different our life and our situation was last year. When I heard him say it, I was floored. Not because of the fact that the person had the audacity to say it but because of how quickly I forgot about it.
I had to stop for a second and regroup. How could I let something of so much importance slip my mind?
A whole year? Are you kidding me! Not one time did I think about it when I kept opening my Wells Fargo app to see if more money would magically appear to pay those never-ending bills. Not one time did I remember when I sat in church and reluctantly put my tithes in the basket. Not one time did I remember when George reminded me that God would take care of us. Not one time!
I was embarrassed to say the least. I felt like I had just pushed God's goodness in that situation to the side. How could I do that? Is it that easy? How dare I?
When I finally sat and reminisced about the situation, I was reminded of how faithful God was to us in that time. But more importantly I was reminded of how important it is for us to sometimes look back on our challenging situations to help us remember how God brings us through—how he never stops looking out for us. Thinking about past hardships doesn't always have to put us back in a negative place. We can use those thoughts to calm our spirits. As our minds wander to those times, they can put us in check and sometimes convict us all over again so we don't have to go back down that road again.
Life group showed me that I needed that reminder. I needed to go back for that period of time and say "Thank you, God." It is okay to be reminded and to go down memory lane momentarily, but there is no need to take up residence there. I don't have to dwell on a situation for God to understand I am thankful for it and what he did through it.
I don't think I will ever forget how God saw us through during that time in our lives. In fact, I am positive God will always have a way to remind me of that specific situation and how he fulfilled his promise to take care of us.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.