When You’Re Ready

*the way to that area*

It’s funny how things work out…
For a long time I wouldn’t walk to the other side of the hospital I worked in. It was still very traumatizing. For those who don’t know I was in the hospital for a month due to preeclampsia and although our outcome was very good the area in the hospital was still very daunting. It made my heart skip a beat… and not in a good way.
I am a nurse… like most of you know and for the last 6 years I worked on the same floor and didn’t have much movement around other parts of the hospital so it was easy to not really be affected by that certain area in the hospital. The first time I walked that way when I finally got off maternity leave I was going to the cafeteria… so I started bringing my food from home more and that kept me from walking over there for that. So my interaction with that part of the hospital was slim to none.
Well recently I started a new position and I was able to move to a new area of the hospital, still not near that area though, so I was good. Well with a new position come some new things. New things like: fellowshipping with new coworkers and dealing with a different patient load.
When I first started my new position I didn’t really think twice about that stuff. I mean that usually comes with the territory of newness. The hospital I work in is huge so moving around—literally from one floor to another will allow you to enter into a whole new world. It’s pretty awesome. So with my new patientload I quickly realized they could be placed anywhere which means I might have to go anywhere. Well the first thing I thought about was… cool I can get my daily steps in. BUT I never considered that I would have to go over there!
With the new fellowships I acquired I was able to get an awesome woman of God that I am able to talk to and WALK with!! Right up my alley! We can get our steps in together and talk about Jesus and vent about being working wives and mamas. It was great. But I never thought we would walk over there.
Welp… it happened. We went walking one day and she went a “new way” and BAM! Right there in my face is the CCN—the Continuing Care Nursery- the place my baby stayed for a week and where George and I resided until my baby was released. Although it was an amazing place… It’s nowhere I ever want to go again. Not even to visit another baby.
When I initially saw the sign my heart beat so fast and my eyes weld up with tears and SO MANY memories flooded my mind. My baby on monitors, sleeping in recliners, waiting to see if George Solomon can transfer to an open crib, my best friend eating burgers with me while George was at work, crying cause I was there, making necklaces for my babies’ milestones, being comforted by many amazing nurses, crying a lot more, family coming to see us, wanting to leave but not wanting to leave. SO many memories.
As the feels started to take over I could feel myself suppressing them and playing them off… Making a little remark to act like I was stronger than I was. I felt myself becoming extremely overwhelmed, my mind was saying I wasn’t ready to see this again… and then I remember God saying…” It’s okay…look how far you all have come… you can handle this… I got you… you’re ready”. Those words reassured me. They calmed me down like no other.
I realized how Good of a father God really is and how he literally catches you when you are about to fall. Literally and figuratively.
God literally caught me as I was tripping up on my feelings .
It’s so funny because dealing with that part of the hospital it’spretty much inevitable now because a small portion of my patient load will always be in that area.
I know it might seem like a small feat but trauma is trauma… big or small. How our minds process things is specific to each individual.
I tell you all this to say… God knows when you are ready. He will gracefully help you jump hurdles you are avoiding. He will show you the brighter side of that oh so dark time in your life. He will provide comfort for you through allowing you to take care of someone else and make the situation they are going through a tad bit easier.
If I had my way with things I wouldn’t have gone back over there unless I had a doctor’s appointment or was having another baby; it would have literally been a point A to B type thing. But there is no way healing can come with that. I needed to passthrough… I needed to wade in that area to have time to soak in the goodness of my father.(Isaiah 43:2)
Typing this literally brings me to tears because I think about how far my baby has come and I know my God is true, so true to his promises.
Let God work through you and heal you… but let Him do it His way… and let him tell you When You’re Ready.

Until Nothing’s Left,

Brittany


A Few Scripture for some encouragement.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. Isaiah 43:2
I pray with great faith for you, because I’m fully convinced that the One who began this glorious work[a] in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you[b] and will put his finishing touches to it until the unveiling[c] of our Lord Jesus Christ! Phil 1:6
So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose. Romans 8:28