Right now... at this very moment I am struggling. At this moment I am dealing with the fear of rejection. It is weird because I am not actually dealing with rejection itself. The fear of it is paralyzing. It is discouraging. It has me unsure.
See, this fear of rejection is different from rejection itself. Rejection itself is an act or sometimes even an expression of being dismissed. Fearing rejection has me to the point where I can't even take the step that might possibly bring about this dismissal. How ridiculous! Which means whatever I am suppose to be doing (i.e. writing this blog) isn't being done because I don't want people to even "possibly" dismiss it.
Ever since I began this blog I have been excited to share my new found love for Christ and the change that has occurred in me through Him. But one HUGE obstacle I have faced is the fear of rejection. This is a common fear in my situation. ( situation- God placing me on a public forum to speak about Him) I know not everyone is going to hear or even accept what I am saying it. BUT then comes the issue. IS THIS FEAR REALLY GOING TO STOP ME DOING WHAT GOD HAS SET ME OUT TO DO?
The biggest aspect of this fear lies with my friends. The people I want to talk to more intensely, because I these are the people I want to have traveling the streets of gold with me. The ones I want to look to the left and right and see their smiling faces when we walk through the gate. But the truth is this might not happen. Some people... friends won't hear me because they aren't ready and others simply because they don't want to. I might want everyone to be on fire with me right now but that's just not how Christianity and free will works. Every person has their separate walk and faith. No matter how much I nag and cry and blog I may never see some people get to the point of true servant hood. Although, this is scary and hurtful it is the honest truth. But the realization I have come to is that I will not suppress this Brittany because some people can't handle the change in me. I didn't suppress worldly Brittany when God was yelling in my head for me to come back to Him. So, even though this fear of losing friends is pressing, I refuse to let it halt my progress and the progress of this blog.
When I first set out to begin this blog I didn't want to make it about numbers and how many comments I might get or who will share it on facebook. I just wanted to be a vessel. An open book. Truly transparent so that people can say "so I am not the only one struggling with that". I thought whether I get one view or one hundred views at least I am sowing that seed in someone, because that is all that really matters... Right?? Until I started seeing comments and stats rising and I started feeling myself. My flesh became extremely vulnerable to the popularity and recognition.
I instantly felt a spirit of conviction.
I knew these feelings weren't right for the simple fact that this blog is NOT FOR SELF GAIN! God quickly humbled me. I realized that I must stay focused on the task at hand.
Well while trying to stay focused that fear of rejection politely tapped me on the shoulder. The devil stepped right in a tapped danced all over my weakness. By telling me "seriously Brittany who do you think will really read this blog and gain something from it?" Then came the "do you know how many people have blogs that speak of Jesus... what makes yours different... why would yours stand out?'
I actually let these thoughts get to me. I mean to the point where I was just going to let go of the whole idea of continuing to write.
But I was quickly reminded that in my weakness Christ is made strong. In the time when I let go of control He steps in and does great works. He spoke very clearly to me. He told me that not only will my blog reach people, people will be changed from it. And though I might not get ANY recognition it's okay because the glorification was never for me... It was for Him all along.
So with that being said I will NOT sit down on this. I will not hold back or hesitate out of fear of rejection. I will stand firmly and speak boldly. I won't allow fear to tear down what God is building up. And I know times will get hard and situations will occur so I can't find time to write or maybe even formulate the words to say. I am sure people will get tired of me. Friendships might be dissolved. But my gain is far greater. I know that through this God will not forget about me. It's even said in His word.
Philippians 1:6... And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
These are the words that sustain me.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.