More Than A Number
I never realized until I started trying to lose weight how much numbers “define” us. I would weigh in every week with hopes that the number on the scale would significantly decrease. Some days it went down 3lbs, some .2lbs some not at all… the days when I lost more I would immediately be in a better mood. The days where the numbers were on the lesser end I would find myself in sort of a slump, wondering how I messed up and what I could do to get back on track. I began obsessing so much to the point where I had to take my scale out of plain sight because it was getting ridiculous. The funny thing about it all was even though the number on the scale read a certain thing and it might not have been what I wanted I could still tell a difference in my clothes, my face, even my shoes lol. But those things were not as significant to me as seeing a numerical decrease.
For a while now the number on the scale has bounced back and forth between a few of the same numbers… it has been sort of discouraging to see that the number isn’t really changing anymore. My mind has gotten to the point where it is playing tricks on me. I will look in the mirror and see the old 35lbs heavier Brittany. Even though I know that it is not the truth I still find myself being dissatisfied with what I see. And ultimately it is ALL because of a number.
This got me thinking. Thinking about HOW OBSESSED we can get with numbers and how it can change our whole perspective on… well life.
I remember when I was applying for colleges I had only applied to a few and I was set on one for sure. I had been accepted and was in the process of picking out my dorm space and all that. This school was rather large and I remember talking to someone and they told me that the classes were so large that the students went by numbers and not their names. This freaked me out. Especially coming from a high school (RAMSAY HIGH SCHOOL—BEST THERE IS) that was smaller and everyone knew everyone! The teachers, lunchroom staff and everyone else knew you by name. I couldn’t fathom the fact that I would be a number. Well this major factor along with a few other things changed my mind about going to this particularly large college and I decided to go to a smaller school (UNIVERSITY OF NORTH ALABAMA—BEST THERE IS). There the teachers knew my name and were very involved in my education. I loved UNA and I wouldn’t change a thing about going there. But as I sit back and think I realize that even if I would have gone to that larger school my education would have been the same. I would have probably had an amazing time. Being a number wouldn’t have changed really anything. But, I let it scare me. I let it be the determining factor on where I continued my education.
I remember growing up having to memorize phone numbers. I had a Lisa Frank planner that I kept everyone’s number in and referred to it when I needed to contact someone. Well, it was always a few people’s numbers who I always remembered; whether it was my best friend (at the time) or a boy I liked. What’s crazy is I still remember some of those numbers to this day. I use to play with people’s minds a little and say little things to see if they had memorized my number, thinking if they knew my number “by heart” that I was more special to them. It was kind of silly. But that mattered to me.
Now all of these are TOTALLY different circumstances but they all involved a number of some sort. I know I am not the only one who focuses on numbers… My point behind all these scenarios really is to say that none of these things “define” you. None of them make you any less or any more.
Whether you are 30lbs over weight or 30lbs underweight… You are still you! You are still special. You are more than that. I understand you want the scale to read different but if your cholesterol is down and your blood pressure is good—I would think being healthy matters WAYYYY More!
Whether you are a number in a class of 300 or your teacher knows your name… You can still get your education. You can still make a difference. You can STILL graduate at the top of your class.
Them knowing your number by memory or not doesn’t mean they like you any more or any less… Their number being in your phone or them randomly calling you… has nothing to do with you… you can’t let that or them make you feel more or less important. Yeah I get it! Trust me! But what does it matters if they are calling you if every time they call they are arguing or being petty… Move along. Your sanity matters more.
I am speaking to myself when I write this post. We can’t continue to obsess with things that ultimately don’t matter.
We have to learn to focus back on what really matters! God! And identify ourselves through his eyes! Romans 12:2 is such a good reminder! (listed at the bottom)
We are more than what society makes us think is important. Be reminded that God defines you! We are more than numbers to Him.
A few scriptures to remind us of who we really are:
Now anyone enfolded into Christ, he has become an entirely new person. All that is related to the old order has vanished. Behold , everything is fresh and new. 2 Corinthian 5:17
I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is so marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazed me to think about it. How thoroughly you know me, Lord. Psalms 139:14
Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern Go’d will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in His eyes. Romans 12:2
Until Nothing’s Left,
When it comes to friendships i have been blessed to find some amazing women and men that have truly had my back and loved on me through all my mess! But i have also had some periods throughout my life that my friends became few and far between.
Friendships dissolve for different reason and sometimes it can be a peaceful breakaway and other times it can be terrible! I have experienced how nasty a parting of ways can be and i am also seeing how maturity can bring about a softer blow.
The more i grow in Jesus the more i am doing heart checks (check out my post before this) and beginning to realize it isn’t always someone else’s fault. I am not
ALWAYS THE VICTIM!
As college ended and after college i held onto being the victim for a long time. I was so hurt and i was so mad. BUT it was partially my fault. It wasn’t just the other party doing something to me. It was very much so both of us being childish or just mean to one another. I look back on those days and i constantly ask God why things happened as they did... but I am realizing without those instances i would never learn how to remove myself from playing victim in every situation. I know that those instances have brought me to this point of accepting and admitting.
I am realizing that sometimes i start the argument. I created the rumor. I told the lie. I played the middle. I made communication be nonexistent. I was the problem— not the victim.
As I’ve matured i have learned the power of simply accepting that i was toxic and apologizing for being that person. Making time to not necessarily rekindle that friendship BUT squash whatever beef there was or just move on.
Although most of my friendship issues happened about 10 years ago they still weighed heavy on me because i played a huge part in creating them.
I’m not saying all this because it’s the cool thing... because who wants to truly admit that they caused a potentially good friendship to end. I am saying this because it’s TRUTH!
Y’all, IT IS NOT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE! Everyone else is not always bad.
Until the toxicity is removed from your spirit then your mindset will continuously go back to pointing the finger.
This might be hard to admit right off but remove yourself from always being the victim. It has taken me 10 years but it is so freeing.
Admit your wrongs and live your life without holding onto these things that are holding you back.
Until Nothing’s Left...
As i step back and look at the fact that this is the third year anniversary of my blog i began to think of where i was when God put this blog on my heart. I was on fire for Jesus just coming back from my first Pinky Promise Conference. My heart had been made new. I was a different Brittany.
I know God gave me this blog with the intentions of me spilling my heart to you all! He wanted me to REpresent Him and tell the world how although i struggle i still rely on him and live for him and his glory. Is it easy? Nope! I mean when i think about the many times i have questioned God and doubted him and downright rejected him I’m surprised He still loves me. Me and my family have endured some tough times but God has STILL shown how faithful he is through it all.
3 years and I’m still walking this RELATIONSHIP with Christ thing out. I just went to my 3rd Pinky Promise conference and I went in with GREAT expectation. And God showed out. God kept putting something in my heart the whole time i was there... my heart posture.
My heart has gone from open and soft to stone cold hard. I have experienced all the stages of heart ache and mending over the past 3 years and some time before that as well. I’m not talking about the break ups from my boyfriends or the friendships that dissolved. I’m talking about the feelings of completely feeling looked over. Feeling misused. Feeling forgotten. (I know break ups of any kind can be mentally and emotionally traumatizing— I’m not insensitive to that because I’m married and have a very good friend group.)I am talking about walking upright, trying to be just, loving and caring and still feeling like I’m losing.
I experienced different situations that left me feeling like “forget all this”. Im sure you have been there as well. I would always wonder why is this going like this or that? Am i not a good enough person to not get this or that?
In recent months God has been revealing something to me about my heart and the posture in which it is in. He told me that i thought everything was about me. I was devastated to get this revelation because the nature of my work is focused on caring for others... literally going all day without peeing to care for others and their families. Then i thought about how i try to help my family. I try making things easier for them. I was just shocked. Like God seriously how is this the case? Well it was made a little clearer to me at the conference. Since i have been back home i have been able to actually see what he meant.
As i said, I went to this conference in TOTAL expectation. Totally expecting God to move and break my heart for the things that break his. For Him to do for me the same thing he did for the children of Israel on Ezekiel 36— but specifically in verse 26 “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” I needed that. I wanted and desired that. So one day during quiet time as i studied “worship” God brought it to my attention to look up the word worship... because he knew i thought that it was the same thing as praise. I also know he had me look it up because i don’t TRULY worship him. I mean i pray and thank him and raise my hands. I CRY during songs, i get in my feelings about certain ways he has been good to me. But guess what... these are all actions that typically involve some sort of emotions. He wanted me to see that when the emotions leave so does my true heart for him... so does my desire to let him be sovereign .
“Worship is releasing control and letting God FULLY reign.”
It isn’t just about thanking him for EVERY great thing he is doing and has done. But understanding that it’s not EVER about me it’s always about him. So no matter how much i do—Every action i take, every thought to help someone, every nice gesture...all these things that give me the “feels” should still be done even after the feels are gone. Even when it hurts. Even when I’m mad. Worship is not about how I’m feeling it’s acknowledging that God is sovereign.
After I studied that it began to soak in my heart what God was trying to get me to understand and what i want you to understand. He revealed to me that i relish too much in praise, but not praising him. Wanting to receive praise from outsiders when i have done something that i deem praiseworthy. Wanting a pat on the back or a hand clap... thinking it’s going to keep me going. BUT IT ISNT. He keeps me going. And once the dust settles and people have moved on from the “attaboys” then is motive still the same— are my motives to do good from the heart or are they drenched in feelings and getting the next thumbs up.
What is my heart’s posture? What is your heart’s posture?
Hey you might not even struggle with this, but if you do, check your heart! This isn’t about you or what you are doing. It’s ALWAYS about Him.
In my case i was saying things were for God’s glory but my heart was hardened and I really wasn’t interested in glorifying Him...or maybe i was just enough for me to show y’all... BUT it was really all about me. (Hey I’m just being real... i mean i struggle, y’all)
I’m glad God checked me!
Now i can’t say that i have arrived but i can say that i am more aware and i want to be more cognizant. No, i cannot say my actions are void of emotions because that would be a lie. What i can say is my emotions are not the driving force behind my actions. Don’t let yours be either.
Don’t let the way you live your life and posture your heart be contingent on “attaboys”...
Until Nothing’s Left,
Check out Ezekiel 36!
We all fall into the trap of expectations. Whether big or small. For birthdays, holidays or random days. We all expect certain things to happen. If you are a mother you expect somebody to go all out for you on Mother’s Day. As a child we might have all expected to get the biggest gift on our Christmas list. As an employee we all expect a pat on the back or a hand clap from management. But there are times these things don’t happen and our expectations leave us upset or forgotten or just down right mad.
Sooooo... I’m going to let you get a peek at my life and how expectations got the best of me.
My husband, George, is an AMAZING guy. He is friendly, loving, great provider and an AMAZING father. Just an all around great person. BUT he is not a mind reader... i know you are saying “well duh Brittany”... well i thought he was. Lol! On my first Mother’s Day i expected George to lay out a spread of gifts and take me to dinner and just blow my mind. Now i should have known from jump that this is something that i shouldn’t expect because George is VERY simple! I mean the smallest things make him so happy. So let’s just say for my first Mother’s Day he went rather simple. And let’s just say i expressed my anger in a not so sweet and gentle way. I thought he didn’t think i was a good mother and that i wasn’t worthy of getting everything i EXPECTED to get. In all actuality George didn’t know. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what i expected. He has never been a husband to a mother before so he didn’t think about it. He expressed all these things to me and I WAS STILL MAD!
I was wrong ya’ll. He did something from his heart and i completely rejected it. (Don’t judge me too hard).
So as this Mother’s Day rolled around i legit got anxiety. I expressed my anxiety to my mother because i needed her to calm me down because i didn’t not want a repeat of last year... NOT the getting a small gift part but my jacked up attitude part. As i expressed my feelings to my mama who is a George advocate, might i add. She says to me “maybe you expect too much”.
“Excuse me ma’am... how dare you?!” I thought. I was appalled.
I couldn’t handle that response so i went to another one of my older friends who has been married for 25 years and her husband’s personality is similar to George’s. She told me the same thing. (Boooo) and she told me to stop looking at what i think other people are getting. You don’t know the reasons behind their gifts and their circumstances. She explained things to me about George that i already knew. How he is a good man and how he makes an effort to make me happy everyday not just Mother’s Day. How he is faithful and loving and caring.
As i left from talking to her I didn’t feel any better. Not because of a gift but because i realized that i am selfish and ridiculous. Immediately God told me to write about expectations. But i was so shame i said “Ooo noooo! I couldn’t show people how much of a brat i am.” He quickly said Brittany you are human. Everyone struggles. Let someone know they aren’t alone. Give them a sense of relief. He said you were so upset with George because you expected so many tangible things. Things that fade and can easily be taken away... you didn’t except what he gave which was his heart.
God also reminded we that we treat him the same way.
We need a new car and we have our eyes on a certain car but when we get to the dealership our budget doesn’t fit what we thought we should get and now our expectations are crushed. BUT God still gets us a car. But now we are mad and fussing... talking about “but God said he would give me my hearts desires...”
Well he did. A car is your hearts desire. He blessed you with what you needed. A car! A car you can drive. And afford to pay for. And go to work in. And put groceries in. BUT because it isn’t THE car you expected it’s no good.
We got to do better!
What are you expecting?
Don’t get me wrong. There have been many times in my life where God was spot on with meeting my expectations and my wants. And I ended up happy for a few months or so and then sooner rather than later my conversation sounding like “this is what I’m going to do next and how things will happen next time.” NEVER SATISFIED!
Expectations can have us mad at people and God but have you ever thought how they can have people and God mad at you. Shaking their heads like “you ain’t never gone be happy”
Take a step back. Look at what you have. Look at what you want? You expecting too much?
I’m not going to be unrealistic and say to stop expecting, that’s human nature. But i promise when you let go of some of what you THINK you should have God will blow your mind and sometimes people will too.
Once I asked God to remove the anxiety from my heart about Mother’s Day and i really prayed for me to receive George’s sincerity i ended up having the best day and George didn’t do too bad either!
Until Next My next Post,
A few scriptures to ponder on...
“The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing.”
“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.”
Psalms 62:5 NLT
“This is the LORD’s doing, and it is wonderful to see.’ ””
Mark 12:11 NLT
Why Can’t I Write?
Some people call it writers block, some call it lack of inspiration; others call it a creative slow down; I on the other hand don’t know what to call it. I would be lying if I said I have a lack of inspiration because plenty of things have occurred for me to write about. I can’t say that I have a “creative slow down” because I have written about 2 full-on post and deleted them both. So at this point I figured it was time to consult with God. (which is the first thing I should do) I asked Him what I should write about since I haven’t posted anything since the end of February. I told you all I would be more consistent about writing but now I have gone a whole month and not put anything out… How is that consistency?
After a few failed attempts and some discouragement I realized I was trying to force something. I wanted to write about some stuff that was on my heart, but nothing would click and usually that is always God’s way of saying it’s not time to write about that or maybe I still need to pass that test.
I laid in the bed the other night God downloaded a whole lot of things to me and I just assumed that I needed to write about that, but I could never get peace about it and I could never get things to flow. I started to stress. Unnecessary stress? Yes. But, I felt like I was failing.
God was like Brittany the real reason YOU have nothing to write about is because YOU are trying to do it without incorporating me and that’s the real issue!
I know everyone isn’t a writer and can’t relate to have “writers block” BUT there is something that you have given up on or let fall by the wayside because you can’t seem to get confirmation from God or you can’t shake fear… and it’s because you have shut God out the equation.
I got two things for you…
Fear is paralyzing. Fear is truly a lack of faith. Do you think God is going to let you fail? If He gave you this mission then what makes you think he is going to let you down? Let me tell you something… He isn’t! He’s got you. I know this sounds so simple… you know why… IT IS! We make it so hard. We make things ridiculously complex BUT if God is in it He’s got it. Stop allowing fear to cripple you. It’s stopping you from something that could completely change your life. You are scared because you are trying to do this by yourself but God never intended for it to be done that way. Incorporate Him back into the equation.
I know these “tips” are not rocket science but they are necessary reminders because we get so caught up in ignoring God and thinking He isn’t “working” or speaking to us. He is ready to be involved… again.
I am writing to encourage y’all right now BUT my heart is being uplifted as well because God gave me this blog and he wants the glory from it and whenever I try and write for myself or my glory God constantly reminds me that it’s not about me.
It’s all about Him y’all. Stop making it about you. Stop leaning to your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Stop being paralyzed by fear. It’s time to write even when you don’t know what to say. It’s time to go even when you don’t know where. Time to do it when he says do it. Be that person that person he has called you to be not the person you “think” you are supposed to be.
*Some Friendly Reminders*
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
2 Samuel 7:28 Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.
Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
Psalms 50:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
There is comfort in being in a place of familiarity. In these places we are usually surrounded by things that bring us peace and make life easier and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes there is solace in being in a place of comfort. There is contentment in being in places where we are familiar and that contentment can create mindsets of order, tranquility and restfulness. We can relax and be calm and pretty much live with no worries.
In places of comfort—better known as comfort zones there are routines and daily practices that allow us to stay on top of our daily lives without feeling COMPLETELY overwhelmed and stressed. The “comfort” of comfort zones is necessary but it can also be a hindrance in our growth. Let me explain.
There have been in many situations where I wanted to stay in places that brought me comfort and what I thought was “peace”. I wanted to remain there because I thought it was what I needed but in all actuality I wanted to wallow in my heartache and sadness. I wanted to stay in a place that made people feel sorry for me… I was pitiful and I wanted people to see that. I didn’t want to come out of that place because that meant I had to face the reality of life and move on. Understanding that everything is not perfect and the fantasy world that I have dreamed up was just a dream.
While I was in the hospital I stayed in my room. Unless I was walking around the unit to get some exercise I was confined in those four walls all day. Not because I had to but because I chose to. Not only was I physically in that room my mindset was consistently closed and I was bitter. Until one day a random art therapist came in my room and invited me to a class. I said I would go. I really wanted to but I couldn’t. I was miserable. I didn’t want to socialize. So then I made up my mind that I wouldn’t go. I was perfectly fine coloring in my adult coloring book by myself in my room. Then the nurse came and told me I should go and that I would like it. So I went. First I was there by myself and then a few other ladies came in. So it was time to socialize. “Brace yourself Brittany, Time to talk”. --- I had to actually prepare to socialize. Anybody who knows me knows that I am a sociable person. SO giving myself a prep talk to be sociable was a big deal. I then knew that I was a different person. A person I did not like. A person I had never been before and I pray that I will never be again. The class ended up being great and VERY eye opening. We made little felt birds (That I hung in my baby’s room J.. a great reminder). I learned that the other women who were there with me situations were way worse than mine. They were so early in their pregnancy and at risk for so much and me on that other hand, I was closer to my due date and my baby was healthy.
Staying in the room that day would have done two major things for me. It would have allowed me to continue to wallow in depression (seriously why would I need to do that) and secondly I wouldn’t have been able to realize how blessed I was even in the midst of my circumstances. Although I was in a difficult place our outcome was still very positive. I was reminded that although I hated where I was it could be so much worse. I know this seems very simple and I think that is what amazes me about how my mindset was at that time. I was so caught up in my feelings that I couldn’t see simple logic. Simply stepping out of my room (comfort zone) cleared my mind in ways and gave me a new perspective.
I have never been the one seclude myself but while baby George was in the continuing care nursery I stayed to myself and soaked everything in that the doctors and nurses told me. Every moment I could be in his room I was there. Not that I didn’t trust the nurse but I felt that I always had to know what was going on. It was to the point where my family wanted me to stay home and rest but I felt like I needed to be there with him. The day before he was discharged, God sent me an angel that happened to be a March of Dimes representative. She told me about a class on breast feeding that they were offering with a small lunch for all the Continuing Care Mothers and she also gave me a milestone necklace for my baby. I was given advice on caring for a premmie. They provided me with tiny hats and gloves. I was truly blessed and showered with love and encouragement from other mamas with premmies and experts who handle little babies all the time. I would have never experienced these things without venturing out of the room and trusting the nurses to do their job and take care of my baby.
The lessons I learned from stepping out were simple yet life changing. I was able to see past my struggle and open my mind to the things that matter. I could see from a different perspective and live with hope. I was given small gifts that I could keep forever and cherish. Things that will allow me remember how far God brought us and how faithful He is.
Although my comfort zones were because of my temporary circumstances I still wouldn’t have been able to be blessed without moving out of them. So whether it be something temporary or something that makes your world change drastically… Trust God.
Don’t allow comfort zones to trap you. Don’t allow the enemy to overwhelm your thoughts.
Joshua 1:9 says Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Let these scriptures penetrate your spirit and If in any way you feel God telling you to step out and be courageous or simply change your way of thinking about certain things do. Be strong. Trust in Him. You may “think” you are at peace where you are but imagine stepping out and allowing God to blow your mind and take you from one place that you think is amazing to another place that will truly change your life.
I didn’t want to start this year off with the typical “How I will change this year blog post”. Not saying there is anything wrong with that but that’s not how I wanted to approach this year. I find those blog posts VERY inspiring but sometimes they can be intimidating. The plans and goals can be so lofty and hard to attain and a lot of times we end up disappointed.
I took a look at my goals from past years and one thing I wondered was “why did I try to go soooooo big?” Did I not think that small goals were attainable or more importantly did I think that accomplishing small goals were insignificant? Small goals were never on my radar. I always wanted to “lose 30lbs in a month” or “stop cursing in two days” or “pay off ALL my debt in 2 weeks”. Stuff that was just ridiculous. I could definitely accomplish these things in a longer span of time BUT I felt as if I put pressure on myself things would get done. WRONG.
I would start and quickly taper off to the point of where stopping wouldn’t even matter because I was barely doing anything anyway. Although my intentions to begin were good, my efforts didn’t match. As things got hard my efforts dissipated.
I can’t say that I never accomplished a large goal because I have accomplished a few. When I look back over them I realize these accomplishments were the cause of small things coming together and working out for my good. For example one of the BIGGEST goals was to become a nurse. Obviously I accomplished that goal—with the help of Jesus—but it took 2 years and lots of discipline and it was VERY STRESSFUL! The end result was HUGE but it took so many small steps to get there. The smallest accomplishment of passing a vocabulary test at the beginning of my second semester led to me walking across that stage with a BSN.
This year I decided to allow the little things mean more. I am going to THINK SMALL!
I am taking a different approach. I decided to make life a little simpler.
I decided to grace myself and allow myself to mess up.
This year I am choosing to be okay with smaller accomplishment. The minute details will be just as important as the large ones.
I will celebrate the small victories and not look at them as unimportant.
God reminded me that things don’t have to be large to be effective; a mustard seed is 1 to 2 milliliters in size and faith this size allows us to accomplish GREAT things.
I don’t know what your goals for the year are if you even chose to go that route this year but if you did grace yourself to start small. Be okay with accomplishing little things and graduate to greater things.
From a small seed a mighty trunk will grow.
*If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. Luke 16:10*
The Sweet Taste of Victory
Today I was reminded of a conversation i had with someone really close to me about a week ago... Writing a blog isn’t about finding the deepest things to say it’s about sharing your heart and although i do that sometimes i struggle with being deep... but today on my 29th birthday... I’m just going to write and i hope you all can hear my heart and be encouraged. ❤️
I look at learning as a victory. Finding peace in your new normal is a victory. Your victory can be a lesson learned. A friendship that was gained or maybe even loss. A new perspective. A renewed outlook.
This past year God granted me so many victories.
When i turned 28 i never expected to experience so many things and learn in so many ways. My heart experienced so many different feelings. I found out things about myself i needed to learn and some i wish i could have done without.
I no longer desire to be sexy. I don’t desire to impress. I am living to show Christ in all i do. I don’t want to be anybody else. I enjoy being Brittany.
I no longer have the desire to spend all night in the midst of strangers searching for a good time. My heart finds such joy being in the midst of family and friends.
I am not searching for the peace that someone else brings i am striving to make my own peace through God. Letting him be the calming force in my life.
My husband’s happiness is not going to be the same happiness of another husband. My goal is to give him the happiness he desires. Not the happiness i read about or see on social media.
My son is not like any other child and i will not hold him to the standards of another one. He deserves to be the best George and i am her to foster that!
I have come to a place in my life where i won’t beg or plead with people to be my friends. Those who are here, are here and those who don’t desire to be here that’s fine too!
My relationship with Christ should be my relationship and although it’s fine to get advice and suggestions... i am responsible for making my walk with personal and i cannot do this by copying someone else.
My family... good or bad... are my family and even though there may be times where i can’t stand to be around someone... they are mine and nothing can change that and no one can break that.
Year 28 was tough, but so rewarding. I walked through the valleys and stood up high on the mountains. I saw how God gives and takes away.
I learned that there is no purpose outside of the father. Without Him i am absolutely nothing. And although i possess different titles— wife, mother, daughter, friend, manager... those things are meaningless without Christ at the center.
28 was a turning year. A year of renewing and breaking down. I needed this year to find purpose. I needed this year to make my life make sense. Some things that happened i will never forget, other things i hope i can forget and some i pray God brings to me at the time i need them the most.
I don’t pray for you to experience all the things i experienced in my 28th year but i pray you get you a year of rebirth, renewing and rejuvenation. And if it’s not a year... maybe a day or week or month.
I pray you taste how sweet victory can be even when you aren’t experiencing what you thought it should be. I pray you can you hold on to your victories during times you feel like giving up. I pray the knowledge you gain from your victories reside in your heart and mind for As long you need them. I am confident that even though some things may look to you as fails take time to re-evaluate...
Victory is yours. Victory is mine. You taste it? Isn’t it sweet?
So what’s the deal with commitment?
Why is it so hard to commit?
Relationships, diets, jobs, budgets?
I don’t even know how many months ago I said I would commit to blogging more.
I wish I could say that the reason I have been away was because I had writers block, but that would be a lie. There have been plenty of ideas that have come to mind that I felt that I should expound on. My true reason for not blogging truly has to do with commitment. I can’t blame it on adjusting to parenthood. I can’t blame it on juggling a new position. I can truly blame it on not being as committed as it was when I started.
So as I began to think back to many other things in my life and I realized that I struggle with commitment. Don’t get me wrong. Not when it comes to my marriage or my job or being a mama or being a dependable friend. I do just fine when it comes to those things. Why? Because, I feel needed. I feel necessary. I feel wanted. I feel like I make a difference. I can see results. The results I see keep me fueled. They keep me yearning to do more in these different aspects. The results make me try harder and keep wanting to do better.
Realizing why I was so committed to these things allowed me to see why I wasn’t as committed to so many other things. Things like THIS BLOG, weight loss, daily bible study and the biggest one is FAITH. I slowly began to realize that when I, like many others, don’t see quick results I give up.
I might write blogs for 3 months straight and then skip a month or two because the thoughts of nobody will miss one post or who even cares what I write, start to creep up. When I haven’t dropped 3 dress sizes in 2 months I begin to think that this healthy eating and working out is truly pointless so why not just eat what I want and be lazy. I’ll study my bible for a few days, but then laziness takes over and the tiredness that doesn’t seem to exist when I am up watching YouTube at all the wee hours of morning overwhelm me as soon as I crack my bible open. My faith quickly wavers when I pray for God to shut my mouth instead of staying something unnecessary to my husband but I end up saying it anyway—then I’m like “God where were you then… You know I have been praying about my mouth but I still can’t seem to shut up at times… why can’t you just fix this problem?!?
It didn’t take much time for God to check me. He was put it plain and simple.
He said… Brittany, when it comes to your marriage and making sure your household is taken care of don’t you put in daily effort? Don’t you wash dishes or wash clothes or pay bills or vacuum or do something for the upkeep of your marriage and home daily? Or when it comes to your job don’t you talk to your boss about different opportunities to learn more and practice different techniques of how to make yourself better as a leader? How about with George Solomon don’t you make it your business to feed and nurture him, to discipline him and give him everything within your power? Or even when it comes to being a good friend or reliable family member don’t you take the time out to text or call your friends or reach out to your family just to let them know you are thinking about them?
I knew where God was taking me when He “said” all these things to me. I knew He was trying to get me to realize that only with deliberate effort can I see the results I yearn to see in these things I tend to let fall by the wayside. It takes truly believing in God’s ability to make these things come to fruition. It takes believing in me enough to know that with CHRIST I can do anything. Most importantly it takes me actually WORKING. Yes, I know, I know that it is not necessary for me to do anything to make God work. His good works are not contingent on my actions. He is GOOD regardless. BUT by working I am putting my faith in action form. I am meal prepping instead of grabbing something quick at work. It takes TURNING OFF that makeup tutorial and turning on a sermon. It takes walking out the room when I feel like I am going to say something reckless to start an unnecessary argument. It TAKES COMMITMENT to remain committed. Although that might sound silly it really is the truth. Things don’t just start off being important. It comes with nurturing and loving. Although I didn’t physically hold my baby until he was born I began nurturing him when I read “pregnant” on that test. Commitment comes with making time and being graceful with yourself when you stumble. It comes with a heart of want to… even when it is hard to see results.
Even when you don't notice it that waist still may be getting a little smaller. Your mouth may be getting a little less smart. All because you didn’t give up when you fell off the wagon those first 3 times. Your faith may be growing little by little all because of diligence and unwavering effort.
So friend, remain steadfast. Stay faithful. Be committed.
Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. Psalm 37:5
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Psalm 16:3
India Arie made a song called "The Truth" speaking of a man who is the total package. Many women haven't found their "truth"... I pray that one day they can experience what I have experienced with my "truth".
George and I met when I was 14 and he was 13. To say that we despised each other would be a true understatement. Our "Hate" for each other was so real that even to this day (we have been married for 2+ years) his nephew still trips out on the fact that we got married. It was that crazy.
I love how God so perfectly ordains things though because at that age and up until we actually started dating when I was 20... I was not mentally ready for someone to love me so beautifully. I was still partying wayyyyyy too much. I wasn't ready to give up my freedom. And I know I would have squandered something that was so perfect had we started something earlier then we did.
But at the tender ages of 19 and 20 God saw fit for his perfect love to ripen in us. Through the most unfortunate circumstances of a car accident he brought forth a love I could have never dreamed up if I tried. A perfect fairly tale. Something just clicked.
That day will always be etched in my mind. The day our worlds truly collided.
Was it hard from the beginning? Yes! People fought us being together...i fought us being together. I was away in nursing school. The phone was our best friend. Long distance tried to place a wedge between us but it didn't work. We survived but not only survive we thrived.
Between nursing school and the Fire Academy. He say she say. My wavering. His stability. The minor 3 month break up. Through it all... George Davis has been the glue of our relationship. He has made me feel like something when my self esteem was on the floor. He has given me hope when all I felt was despair. He has been my strength when I was too weak to even think. George has made our relationship stable. There are a lot of things I would and could take credit for but keeping our relationship calm and thriving is truly a work of God and God working through George.
He was not my type. AT ALL! He was the total opposite... but up until him my type had me thinking true love was impossible. He told me point blank that he would make me fall in love with him. Even though I tried to fight it I loved him from the beginning.
It's only now that I realize that when God truly orchestrates something time has no boundaries. George stole my heart before I could even begin to think that I truly liked him.
To this day he is still stealing my heart. His love is so simple but perfect. His voice is my peace on a rough day. Although I fuss and start unnecessary stuff he never lets that determine how he treats me. He is truly from God. He had truly made my life better.
I pray that if you have not experienced your "truth" and that's something you desire that God gives you your heart's desires.
On today I simply want to let God and the world know that I am forever grateful for my "truth"!
I love you, George!
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.