One thing i don’t understand is why God constantly pursues me and i am so not worthy...
My heart gets overwhelmed when i think about how i am just nothing. I am absolutely nothing and God sees me as the most beautiful thing on this earth.
My heart is overwhelmed with gratefulness and conviction all at once.
The more i learn about the God that i have known pretty much my whole life i understand more how blessed i am to be pursues by him.
When you are dating your partner chases after you but eventually that fades or it waxes and wanes throughout the relationship- You get comfortable. You get complacent.
God NEVER gets comfortable with where you are... there is always another level to go to IN HIM!
That’s where i have fallen short. I thought getting married and having a child and being a nurse checked all my “what i want in life” boxes until i realized that if He isn’t the TRUE foundation he will uproot and make his way in.
We call ourselves believers and we say we have faith BUT as soon as we get a hiccup, we trip. We get mad at God and think “how dare he allow this”...
This was/ is me. I struggled with it bad months ago... i stayed bitter and mad.
One day i was so angry and a person who i am very close to was listening to me vent and she said “who do you think you are that you can’t go through anything” and it knocked me off my feet.
Another instance i heard something similar- as Christians we are fed so much prosperity gospel that we forget why the true meaning of being a follower of Christ is— WE SUFFER for the cause. We take up our cross. Taking up a cross isn’t pretty. We literally suffer daily.
The concept of do this and that right and God will bless you... that’s really cute until... you start struggling and you think BUT didn’t i do everything right.
HOW MANY TIMES MUST God tell us “works” mean NOTHING to Him. There is NOTHING we can do to make him do more for us and love us more.
I have been learning so much more recently during this time of isolation and “silence”... who God is and why things happen.
I am learning that anything i go through is not just for me. Somebody else will benefit from my life lesson.
Why would i try and rush something that could eventually set my great great granddaughter free.
God doesn’t want my works- he wants my heart. He chases after my heart. He wants me to seek him like i sought after that man to be my husband or that degree to be a nurse.
AND EVEN WHEN I DON’T take that approach he still chases me... until i run back to him.
We don’t deserve God’s goodness. We don’t deserve for him to pursue us.
If i have rambled on in this blog and you wonder what’s the point— get this- GOD IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD IMAGINE IN YOUR WILDEST DREAM.
He is bigger than the best thing ever. When you think you’ve arrived- he’s better. When you think you no longer need him— you need him the most.
Don’t let him just chase you... chase Him. Run after him. Find him in all the things. It won’t make for flawless life but i promise it will make EVERYTHING else so much more worth it.
I’m no where near perfect. But i am learning.
Learning is not easy.
But it’s necessary.
Until Nothing’s Left.
Worship Song: Refiner- Maverick City
“holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.”
Philippians 2:16 ESV
“and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure;”
1 Corinthians 4:12 ESV
“who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,”
2 Timothy 1:9 ESV
“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,”
2 Corinthians 3:5 ESV
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.