I haven’t written in a long time. Well actually i journal daily but it’s been tough trying to find the right words to say for public consumption. I have struggled with how to come back to my blog. My mindset hasn’t been the healthiest. I haven’t been the most positive person. I have been down right mad at times. Pissed. But I’m at a better place now. Last time i put my thoughts on this blog i was at a completely different place in my life. I was living what i thought was “the dream life”. For my whole life- well since i was able to learn about love, marriage and all that goes with that i thought that those were the things that made life worth it. BOY WAS I WRONG. Frankly, none of that is worth anything if you’re miserable. Now I am not here to just put my business on blast or discuss the circumstances in which everything went down in my life for me to no longer recognize January 31, 2015 as a significant day. The circumstances that caused me to change my emergency contacts back to my parents. The intimate details that wrecked me for almost 2 years. What i am actually here for is to say that all of it was necessary. Back 2020 when everyone was struggling with there own crap on top of a pandemic starting i too was enduring pure hell. And up until the end of 2020 i constantly questioned God- wondering why i had to endure such hurt and such heartbreak. He would always tell me “you’ll soon see that this was all supposed to happen”. That’s hard to process when you are pissed and embarrassed BUT when you are healing and learning- it’s a little easier to see.
I am 33 years old- been grown for a while now but age doesn’t make up for maturity and “love” is very blinding. I say those two things because a lot of time people don’t realize how those things keep you in places you should have moved from long ago and maybe should have never even gotten into. In my case immaturity and “love” kept me somewhere that was no longer serving me. I put quotes on love because that “love” was a figment of my imagination. The pureness of love no longer existed where i was. I was now in a place of manipulation that disguised itself in love. When “love” reaches that stage- it’s no longer serving either party. Immaturity had me in a place of i could pray my relationship back to a good place- i do believe in prayer- BUT PLEASE HEAR ME- both parties have to want this. It can never be one sided. It just doesn’t work. I recognize these things now. But in the thick of my situation i could have never recognized them. I remember asking God once i was on the other side of everything why didn’t He make these things obvious right away- and He very clearly said to me- because you would have stopped trying and you needed to go through that “trying stage”. The “trying stage” in my situation was absolutely necessary. This stage brought on so much rejection. It’s almost hilarious when i think about it. But Without this necessary rejection i would have never been redirected to see how horrible everything really was. And although realizing that wasn’t fun but it was what i needed to move along. My eyes would have never been opened without it. Going through that horrible year of rejection gave me so much clarity. Now I’m not going to sit up here and say “Ohhh I’ll gladly go back through it again” nahhhh… but i will say i recognize how it changed me for the better. It opened my eyes to see marriage or anything for that matter isn’t worth sticking around if you’re miserable- no matter how bad you might want it. I am now able to see crying everyday and begging for someone to love you just ain’t it. I won’t sit up here and act like I’m innocent in the situation either- i was able to see how my manipulation, smart mouth, spoiled mindset and constant comparing, insecurities on top of plenty of other things i struggle with didn’t help the situation at all. I had to look at myself and see i had my crap too. It was completely necessary for me to spend so much time alone so i could work on me and see what i need to change. There are things we go through in life that hurt like hell but on the other side of that pain is healing. I no longer view marriage is necessary to make life worth it- it’s beautiful when done right- don’t get me wrong. I now see that life is worth experiencing things that make us grow and learn and simply be better- that comes with marriage, separation, divorce, self love, hurt, happiness, babies, infertility, death… all these things make life amazing. All these things are necessary. Until Nothing’s Left Brittany
8 Comments
Anthony
3/4/2022 05:57:27 pm
I was actually thinking about you not writing something on here in awhile. GREAT post. Full stop.
Reply
Brittany
3/4/2022 06:14:22 pm
It was definitely time!! Thank you for your support! Love you!
Reply
Morgan
3/4/2022 06:56:43 pm
I was thinking the same thing!! Like, I wonder if she gon write a blog soon! And did!! Wow! Thank you for your transparency! I pray your openness continues to give you strength and to fuel you!! Love you!
Reply
Andra Sparks
3/4/2022 06:00:17 pm
Thank you for being brave enough to share your truth. I am glad to hear your voice again.
Reply
Brittany
3/4/2022 06:14:42 pm
Thank you!!! ❤️
Reply
Ashley Nichole
3/4/2022 06:05:21 pm
This was very transparent, brave, and well written! Amen to healing being on the other side of that pain!
Reply
Karen Sparks
3/4/2022 06:28:41 pm
Bub this is so good. Nobody signs up for this or any kind of struggle but on the other side is healing, power and clear vision! Bless you on this truth seeking, power seeking journey; may the things you've learned through your pain help someone else as it has helped you. I love you. ❤️
Reply
Brittany
3/4/2022 06:35:27 pm
Thank you so much! I love you, too! ❤️
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
August 2020
CategoriesAuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. |